UK Elections
Out of context: Reply #110
- Started
- Last post
- 119 Responses
- Fax_Benson2
Found this in my funny folder. I suppose we should be thankful. Stephen Crabb!
https://www.vice.com/en_uk/artic…
-
Boris is the boy your mum makes you invite to your house to play even though he always breaks your toys because he's too rough. "Mum," you say. "It's not fair. I don't even like Boris!" Your mum's had enough of it. Boris's mum is in her Thursday salsa 'n' nattering class and she sees first hand the impact Boris's friendlessness has on her. "You're playing with Boris Johnson, and that's the end of it!"
That afternoon, after school, the two of you sit in silence while Boris – inexplicably wearing shorts even in November, an abundance of hormones making him a good foot taller than you, three times your weight – sits and watches you play Megadrive. "My turn," he says, his sticky hands grabbing at yours. "Mine!"
He throws Sonic into the Chemical Plant acid three times in one minute and busts you both down to one life. You spent 45 minutes getting here, pirouetting through loop-de-loops, avoiding Robotnik. He has no rings to protect him. His large dumb hands claw at the B button. "You have to jump, Bori—" It's too late. Sonic is impaled on a spike, bounces down to his death.
Boris turns to you, huge, the dull sheen behind his eyes menacing in its emptiness. "Bimily bomily," he whispers, "Bimbily bob bob."
- hah, crabb is insane. remember when he resigned from the government for sexting a kid while still calling gay people unholy and running for prime minister.kingsteven