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Man, no thread on Freddie getting caught pulling his pud at the Tiki?
This comment on Yelp for the theatre he got popped in is priceless.
"For years I thought this was just another topless bar like THE CAVE on Hollywood and Vine with all of the ancient, dusty sex toys in the display window. By the way if you've never paid a visit to THE CAVE, it's totally worth the steep admission price. The dancers are fucking trainwrecks. Cesarean scars and prison poked unicorn tattoos abound. Be sure to bring some antibacterial wipes with you because it's possible to contract a host of skin diseases by merely glancing at the strip pole.
Anyway, once I found out the Tiki Theater actually screened pornos I knew it was absolutely necessary to pay it a visit since nudie theaters are a dying breed in this City. Here's a rundown of what to expect once you decide to make the trip yourself:
For a $10 admission, an elderly Korean man pushes a paper raffle ticket under a bulletproof glass screen that looks like it's been slathered in Vaseline. A sign next to it reads NO WEAPONS, NO DRUGS, NO SEX OF ANY KIND (that means you too, dog fuckers). You click through a well worn turnstile and try hard not to touch any surface as you make your way through heavy, black velvet curtains into 900 square ft room with 30 theater style folding chairs. A quarter of the audience is wearing hooded sweaters and smoking crack, another quarter is jerking off, the rest are jerking each other off, cruising for a jerk off or doing something so vile you probably wouldn't want to see it. Let's assume they're hiding murder weapons or making a list of items to add to their next rape kit.
Appropriately enough, the bathroom is in the theater to the right of the screen so if you are looking for some uh, privacy - the Tiki is sensitive to your needs. If group masturbation isn't exactly your thing, you'll be relieved to know that there's a well worn stall about 50 paces from your seat.
You sit through a half-hour of amateur porn until the moans and groans from the audience work your last nerve. You quickly exit the theater and immediately head to the nearest bar where you try and drink away the memory of the last hour.
And in case you were wondering the name of the movie I saw was POONTANG CLAN.
Also, if any of you actually visit the Tiki, I expect a full report emailed to me the following day."
Well, I'll admit, Poontang Clan is a good movie!
watch La Quinta trip out and fire him...
... HE'S JUST TUGGING HIS DINGY FFS... IT'S... NATURAL.
... oh Fred
Guess he never heard of pay per view, or DVDs, or the Internet.
Since when is it illegal to masterbate. It's not like he was at Chuck E Cheese.
I had the pleasure of working with him years ago and absolutely love him. no matter whose pud he's pulling in public.