Turns out I'm dating a Pro...
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- babydick-1
I don't want to be a party pooper cuck, but that sex club shit ain't doing it for me, apart from some random dude stroking your dick. That's fucking hilarious.
- he gone gay on usutopian
- username checks out.Projectile
- I wouldn't have taken it as well as he did but that's why I don't have a thread based on my Caligulan antics.CyBrainX
- Krassy2
Reading your writing feels like watching a great movie.
- for real? Gives me the cringe big time.Fax_Benson
- the style of writing is greatKrassy
- nahFax_Benson
- oh yeah, it really isKrassy
- nb1
We haven’t heard from catpower in a couple weeks.
Probably eloped and is off on his honeymoon somewhere
- bogue4
now that I'm fully caught up, I'd say it turns out she's the one dating a pro. You just work for free.
- nb4
Why are you trying to keep this thread PG-13
Everyone here is over 40
- I get the impression the cast of characters here are the same people for the last two decades.CyBrainX
- whoa calm down I can still count my grey hairsArchitectofFate
- catpower-2
Before I was married in the early 2000s, I did this photo series that explored public/private schemas. I took polaroids of about 75 girls exposing themselves in public. I showed them in a gallery, and it was well-received.
The key to this whole operation was my girlfriend at the time. Had I, as a guy, reached out to these girls, it'd have been a tough sell.
"Hey girl, I want to take a polaroid of your vag in an alley. Also, what them tits do? Thanks, Catpower"
Not happening.
But having my girlfriend reach out instead was perfect. Nearly every girl she emailed replied, and most were down.
I call this "the golden ticket principle."
When you have a cute girl with you, you can make all kinds of things happen. We used to go to strip clubs together every now and then, and I could get away with damn near anything, often for free. They'd let me slap their assholes if I asked, all thanks to the golden ticket.
Girls bring flirty and less-intense energy than a single guy does. It makes everything playful.
I'll never forget this one time we got a private show. As the dance progressed, my girlfriend started straddling me cowgirl style and unzipping my pants. If I did this alone, I'd be sent to prison for a different kind of private dance. But with the golden ticket, it was totally fine. Welcome, in fact. The stripper pulled out my cock and directed it into my girl. We all just went with it.
The dancer eventually spooned my girl from above and directed her hips up and down on my bits. Having a third person control her motion was so dirty to me at the time. My girl had to embrace the idea of someone else touching her hips while also taking my dick.
Women are often looking for an excuse to be slutty — that's why they like Halloween — and these kinds of contexts provide the perfect setting.
All I'm saying is that having a cute girl with me made everything possible, never mind the fact that I was preselected to all the other women. Powerful forces.
¡Viva la golden ticket!
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- I call this "the golden ticket principle." -
Jeffrey Epstein approvespablo28
- I call this "the golden ticket principle." -
- catpower-1
tl;dr
- flew ho girlfriend to Europe
- recalled and used the golden ticket principle
- surprised her with trip to sex club
- fucked a goth chick in what was basically an orgy
- had my first (unwanted) gay encounter
- ejaculated buckets & my lymphatic system on her the next morning
- made ET glowing dick finger joke- lol glad someone's having a good time.pango
- You have secured a throne seat in Valhalla, warriornecromation
- hahacatpower
- How a boytoy describes its first out-of-country experience. Make sure you don't end up in a shitty apartment.sted
- And fuck what you want and not everything they put in front of you. Don't forget you're making memories for everybody ahahahsted
- catpower0
So many updates.
I've been overseas with work for the past couple of weeks. I've always found travel to be profound. Being removed from your everyday context provides a moment of reflection, and this trip was no different.
I left LA convinced that I would just cut everything off, do a slow-paced ghosting disguised as busyness, and cut my losses. While on the plane, though, she started texting me. "I miss you" quickly escalated to "I need you to choke me with your cock." Ah, the delicate art of hiding an airplane erection. Classy shit.
She continued sending me "noods," KNOWING that I would have to hide them on the plane. She even started playing this game where she'd send me live photos, so I'd have to press them to see the reveal. Say what you want, but this bish knows how to make a dick move.
By the time I landed, I had already booked her a flight to come over. Buying girls tickets to Europe is "see picture" sugar daddy behavior, but here we are. That gave me a little over a week to plan for her arrival.
But let's back up for a moment; come with me back to the early 2000s:
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- Ramanisky21
Hey catpower, I’m patiently waiting for the newest episode to be released.
- I reckon this thread precipitated slapshot's D-I-V-O-R-C-EBrabo_Brabo
- On a kamikaze mission to HoorsvilleBrabo_Brabo
- Ramanisky23
This may be the greatest Rom Com of our generation. I’m fully invested.
- QBN always delivers...grafician
- Can’t wait for the break up followed by powercat holding a boom box outside her window and playing Peter Gabriels ‘Shock the Monkey’ to win her back.Ramanisky2
- Not only should one never say "romcom", there should be a death penalty for making one. Especially this masterpiece of modern literature.CyBrainX
- jagara1
Isn't the talk in front of the class an indication that's she's trying to move her life in a new direction? Albeit a small one?
Not that this would make me want a relationship with her... :)
- Not necessarily, no.cannonball1978
- Well, being that open about something as widely frowned upon as being a prostitute kind of seems like an attempt at leaving that lifestyle.jagara
- Sorry, it's "sex worker" now. Still not something you brag abot.jagara
- *aboutjagara
- It seems an attempt to normalize it, control the narrative around it while simultaneously ambushing him with the info. Seems nothing like trying to leave it.cannonball1978
- Yeah, maybe.jagara
- shapesalad2
When will the thread title change to:
"Turns out I married a Pro..."
?
- cannonball19782
PS do not give this person money.
- Like, if you want to pull back the sheets and see what this girl is really about, refuse her money on principle.cannonball1978
- that's actually good advice. I like your style.cherub
- catpower7
A quick update:
It's been a few weeks since we've hung out. I asked her if she'd like to grab dinner and talk things over on Saturday. One odd bi-product of all this drama is that we've been able to communicate well. Everything is basically out in the open, so there's no need to guard language or intentions at this point. It's weirdly freeing.
In normal relationships, you have to balance openness with not freaking her the fuck out with your tentacle porn addiction. But she hits different.
Our dinner began with her trying to kiss me but I flenched. Because dicks. Strong start.
But as dinner progressed, we got loose and ended up having a great time. She's legitimately quirky and funny when she's not being a trifflin'-ass ho. After more drinks than I could count, she finally asked me, "so what do you want to do?"
Though she meant it existentially, I responded literally. "Fuck your whore mouth." On brand, she was like, "I'll fuck you till you love me, f*ggot." (a Mike Tyson quote... pretty funny in the moment...).
We make it back to her place, but when we got there, her roommate was still up with ALL the lights on blasting the new season of Tiger King. This was the least sexy mood possible. The lighting was so aggressive. It felt like that dirty moment at last call when they turn on the lights and everyone's shame is in full view. Rough.
Though the vibe was dead, we had fun chatting. Tiger King is the easiest thing ever to make jokes with, so conversation flowed.
Eventually, we started talking about Joe Exotic and how his dick is pierced. I jokingly started fake vomiting, but the roommate was like "I'm really into that. I got my clit pierced."
*record scratch
I've seen this on the internets, but never in the wild. My girl and I started joking with her, calling her "Susan Exotic." I decided to push it and said "tell me you have daddy issues without telling me you have daddy issues, Susan Exotic."
"Daddy issues? I'll show you daddy issues." She stood up with purpose, like a pitcher coming off of the bench, pulled down the front of her baggy plaid shorts, and showed us the monkey.
This was not hot. I know it sounds hot. But again — this was not hot. It was like watching someone take a shit or something. She pulled them down, pushed on her FUPA with her palm so the piercing could pop out, and said "there she is" as she gave it a little flick.
She was just so brazen. No subtlety. No sexy reveal. Just a lot of big clit energy. She also had a "stick and poke" lightning tat on the right side of her cooch, so there's that.
My girl and I called it a night and retired to her room. We made out a bit and I came on her tits. She refused to wipe off my offering and went to bed covered. So trashy. So hot.
While she was asleep counting dicks or whatever hos dream about, I was was wide awake, drowning in thoughts: "It's 4 am. You're in Echo Park. You're hanging out with whores. Jesus, get your fucking life together. Man, who gets their clit pieced?! Also, I wonder when she got her vag tatted. Looked like a prison tat. Maybe she was in prison?! That's kind of hot, actually. Fuck." *cue awkward boner
- this is the thread that just keeps on givinghans_glib
- She ain't kinky, she ratchet.
Hook up your anecdotes to my NFTs and get in on the game, playa.palimpsest - I could google so much stuff right now.
But I googled where Echo Park is.Longcopylover - FUPA was the one I had to look up. FUPA, eh.Brabo_Brabo
- “asleep counting dicks” LOLmort_
- Ttrifflin'-ass ho.
Also, FUPA troopababydick - "While she was asleep counting dicks or whatever hos dream about..." you ruined it here for me. sad that you think/feel that way.oey_oey
- Has your chick ever done a"Soft White Underbelly" interview? https://www.youtube.…stoplying
- many ughsjagara
- Euphoria, S2, EP 8ArmandoEstrada
- @oey_oey... obviously said in jest.catpower
- @stoplying... know of SWU. Not really her vibe. She looks like a cool grad student (b/c she is). You would have no idea she's a pro if she didn't tell you.catpower
- incredible.Gucci
- Welcome to Echo Park (waves from Elysian Heights)cannonball1978
- babydick-3
Waiting for another update...
- Akagiyama0
Wow, I need to change this Netflix series cast.
Jonah Hill should play catpower, Emma Stone should play Bleedy McGee, and Awkwafina should play her roommate Maytal Ahn McKlittee.
I give it at least 3 seasons.
- Who's taking care of the poster?palimpsest
- you. go beast mode on it, palimp.cherub
- Added to my playlist.Ramanisky2
- shapesalad1
- The robot is leaking the hydraulic fluid it needs to move. It's programmed to dance and be happy, but also to save itself by gathering the fluid back to itself.shapesalad
- It took awhile... but it 'died' in 2019.shapesalad
- why downvoteddrgs
- mort_3
How the folk did you certify yourself @catpower?
- With a little patience this was possible back in the day. Another QBN oversight.palimpsest
- catpower is Jason Kristofermort_
- What are other QBN oversights?drgs
- What happens in the deep web stays in the deep web.palimpsest
- catpower is a script writer who's taking a fictitious script for a spin through QBN to see if it's worth pitching to NetflixKrassy
- I thought itw as HBO that did the porny stuff?Nairn
- catpower keeps mentioning PG-13, soKrassy
- I swear I'm not making this shit up, and I'm certainly not a scriptwriter. Promise.catpower
- we believe you https://i.giphy.com/…Krassy
- You didn't answer the question @catpower but I do believe your dilemmaIanbolton
- Are you actually Kanye West?zarkonite
