Turns out I'm dating a Pro...
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- nb-1
I know you’re all joking around but... it’s a little-known fact that it’s extremely unlikely for a man to get hiv/aids from unprotected vaginal sex if it was just one time.
Lots of other icky stuff you can catch so please be safe!
- https://i.imgur.com/…utopian
- so you're saying different prostitutes each time is better than sleeping multiple times with the same one, unprotected.Beeswax
- did he ever mentioned that he is a man?sted
- @beeswax that is not what I’m sayingnb
- babydick0
Great story, but get the fuck out of this mess. Life has much more to offer than just good, filthy sex. This shit will haunt you, trust me.
- Akagiyama4
This needs to be a netflix series with Paul Rudd playing catpower, and Aubrey Plaza playing Bleedy McGee.
I would watch the shit out of this.
- lol @bleedyBeeswax
- LOLmort_
- Holy shit. I shared this with a friend, not a QBNer and he asked me who should play the woman. I said a young Juliette Lewis or Aubrey Plaza.CyBrainX
- I had Elizabeth Banks or Christina Ricci as Bleedy and Rose McGowan as her roommateKrassy
- Jonah Hill, Gillian Jacobs & Allison Brie.palimpsest
- @Krassy, That is one hell of a trifecta.CyBrainX
- @CyBrainX hopefully @catpower agrees and hires me as the Casting DirectorKrassy
- So many strong options, haha. @Krassy — you're hired!catpower
- Now we need to get a Ho Fund Me started to finance this series!Akagiyama
- the pressure is on, but I promise to deliverKrassy
- @Akagiyama "Ho Fund Me" LOLKrassy
- Krassy, I'm listening to your Zoxey Vol. 1 today. Nice stuff.CyBrainX
- @CyBrainX I finally finished Vol 4! 3+ years later. Hahah!Krassy
- I was wondering about that but I nagged you too much last time, so I didn't say anything this time.CyBrainX
- palimpsest3
50 Shades of Red
- catpower0
@Cherub and @Utopian... Appreciate the thoughts. @Cherub, I can totally relate to your two types (and thanks for the story). I've experienced versions of both, but never to this extent.
I'm only telling part of the story here. I'm no saint either. What I've said about her is true, but I've manipulated her as well in ways that she doesn't realize because I didn't entirely trust her from the beginning (though I could never have imagined all this shit).
I think she's 35% type 1 and 65% type 2... (and yes, 100% nuts). In all seriousness, nothing would surprise me. I'm positive she'll try to fuck me over at some point, but she's in a "honeypot" and doesn't realize it.
The bottom line is this: I know that I need to call it quits. No question. I've managed to dodge a bullet, nay, an atomic warhead. I'm clean, have some absurd stories, and have lost nothing of note other than the year or so that she's no doubt shaved off of my life.
As with most people, she's a mix. She's not 100% a filthy whore, and she's certainly not innocent. She's complex. Through this and my ridiculous Tinder days, I've realized that I'm ultimately a relationship guy. I just don't have the energy for all this chaos.
Both of my parents were severe alcoholics. When you're around chaotic people, the world warps to their reality. Craziness seems normal. I've seen this with her as well. If any of my friends told me they were going through this, I'd slap them, tell them to wake up, count their blessings, and snap back to reality. Go apple picking, meet a reasonable woman if you want, and seek meaning over fleeting passion and impulses.
But that ass, tho. Epic.
- catpower6
Some have asked where I'm going from here. I did get tested for literally everything and came up clean, thank goodness. Going forward is complicated. Some groundwork:
First of all, sex workers often hang out with other sex workers. I've since found out that my girl's roommate is also a pro. If I'm being candid, I'm probably going to see if I can pull off a threesome at her place, but we'll see. For the record, I know this is a terrible idea.
Her roommate is properly nuts. She seems like the kind of chick who would eat your ass one sec and then torch your couch the next. My girl says she's bi, so I guess I'll call her bluff and ride shotgun? Could be interesting, even though I know it will end in horror.
Also, these girls are industrious. Like a logo designer who expands to do positioning strategy, once a girl turns to sex work, they start expanding their offerings in the industry. My girl currently has THREE "sugar daddies" (that she assures me she's sunsetting... ahmmm...) that each pay the equivalent of her rent in exchange for companionship and bi-weekly fucking. She also had an OnlyFans (she's since quit that... sporadic pay) and occasional camming. The roommate gets flown to various cities to do "massages," but they're cagy on the details.
Of course, I should walk away. This is chaos — an absolute shitshow. I'm a proper professional with a solid career. I don't do drugs. I'm old as fuck. I should be dating a dentist and go apple picking or some shit, but yet... but yet...
Sex like this changes you. She likes being "reclaimed." The psychology of this is fascinating. "Reclaiming" is basically where I start off very assertively and end with the most gentle cuddling you could imagine. Trying to keep this thread PG-13, but the range is both concerning and intoxicating. You feel like you're both the disease and the medication simultaneously. Fucked. Up.
Though I don't know when her other "dates" are, I can tell by her communication patterns when she's out. I was 99% sure that she was out the other night, and I actually got turned on. That is so fucked up, and I know it. Like I said, sex like this changes you, and not for the better, almost assuredly.
I think the move is to just go with it, see what absurdity I can pull off/she'll let me get away with, see just how depraved we can take this, demand constant testing, and drive the wheels off this midlife crisis into an early grave. I'm only half kidding. I'm so fucked.
- https://www.youtube.…shapesalad
- youtube needs more Hubermansted
- I think you should explore this to its fullest and quit when it becomes a problem. Do you have anything better to do with your time anyways? You might evenzarkonite
- learn a thing or two about yourself... you probably already have!zarkonite
- this is turning into some kind of a david lynch/david cronenburg moviehans_glib
- You're going to get burned....badly.utopian
- Whatever you do, this thread must go on! You've got the entire bleacher section of the "QBN married with kids old guys club" cheering for you.nocomply
- ^ Yes, the burning will be probably some STDbabydick
- haha this is great. She still has clients???OP31
- This is much more interesting that pretty womandee-dubs
- You sound like a sociopath so maybe you've found your level.i_monk
- ^ Yup, and openly admitting this shit is fucked ain't helpingbabydick
- At least keep this going long enough to make a limited series on HBO. Consider our entertainment.CyBrainX
- You gonna keep testing yourself every week
now like with COVID? :)yuekit - It does sound a bit like the premise of a shitty Netflix series, but I see nothing wrong as long as you don't get taken in/scammed by her. Use it as a bridge toyuekit
- your next real relationship.yuekit
- Gonna cause issues when next GF finds out about your last GF sex workernoRGB
- monNom0
"these girls are industrious" -- That should give you pause.
I'm going to do some creative writing at the end of Pretty Woman, just to flesh out the idea from here.
You are 3 months in, you are deeply in lust with her, and you're becoming completely uninhibited. Your guard is down. She does things no other girl would do, things beyond your wildest dreams, and she does them with YOU, an old man past your prime. You could never find someone like this again -- That makes her irreplaceable. You do them together -- that makes you a team.
You never question the fact that she's so interested in someone older than her. That she continues to see other clients on the side. You are blinded by the physical side of things and ignoring the obvious red flags.
Things go along like this for a while and you settle into this lovely world. Then one day, disaster strikes.
This part is going to be a bit choose your own adventure: She wants to be with you, but there is going to be some kind of obstacle - Maybe she can't make rent, has credit card debt, maybe you need to pay off a pimp. maybe you need to pay for an accident she had, maybe you need to _murder_ someone for her. Maybe she just needs a bridge loan to finally secure her series A financing for her crypto-OnlyFans competitor that will surely make you two BILLIONS when she launches the NFT. Whatever it is, it's a problem that you can solve, and if you don't solve it, it's going to prevent you two from being together, or from having this carefree trusting relationship.
You cough up the money, or whatever it is, because obviously you want to help. You two are a team, right? and she is the most valuable thing in your life - you've basically slotted her into the 'Wife' role that was missing from your life, and she's way better than your old wife. She is so grateful and you are her hero. Hurray! crisis averted, back to your surreal life! Way to go champ, you saved the day.
Except, it's not quite back to your surreal life. depending on what that crisis was, this might play out differently. Either she's late paying back that loan, or she needs just a little bit more, or the person she got in an accident with is now injured and going to sue and she doesn't have insurance and they are demanding money, or the guy you killed has a brother and he knows you did it, or maybe she just gets kind of hard to get ahold of... and she's not as enthusiastic anymore... and it doesn't feel the same... and you sort of drift apart... Whatever the details, this story ends with you two not together, and with your bank account significantly lighter than it was before.
And maybe after it's all done with, and she's gone from your life, and you are thinking about those great times, you recall that it was her that sat down next to you in that bar long ago... and that she had other 'pros' as acquaintances, and maybe there were people in the mix that you weren't introduced to, people that might have been working you, running the show like some kind of prostitute Ocean's 11, And you think about how you were in a lonely place, having left a marriage and trying to replace that hole in your life. And how the perfect woman (that we keep forgetting is a prostitute), sat down right next to you at the bar and fulfilled your every fantasy...
Or maybe you don't have that insight, and once she's gotten difficult to get ahold of, and you are lonely, and feeling a hole in your life once again, someone else sits down next to you at a bar. Because it worked last time.
- In Thailand we called them 'sick buffalo' stories.Brabo_Brabo
- @monNom thank yousted
- monNom... I don't really disagree with this. You're potentially right. I wish I could share some larger context, but I'm aware that could be an angle.catpower
- Not sure which movie would be better - "Ocean's Perfect 10", or some kind of meet the parents romcom where you bring home a proustite.monNom
- They both sound pretty good tbh.monNom
- I agree.SimonFFM
- I think the moral of the story here is simply, don't let your guard down with an escort who has three other sugar daddys and is seeing clients at the same time.yuekit
- pinkfloyd4
Dear thread, tldr;
- Brabo_Brabo-14
You dont pay for sex with a prostitute.
You're paying for them to go away.
- Correct. You never paid for that stock photo of your Polish model gf and that shit won't go away.mathinc
- SimonFFM2
As long as you don’t go bankrupt, I don’t see a problem. At some point you will feel miserable but you did after your divorce as well.
Just try to enjoy life and don’t overthink.
- brandonp0
What graduate degree is she working on? I assume psychology?
- SimonFFM0
Super interesting read, catpower! Thanks for this.
- Gnash0
Is there a masters degree you can’t get these days?
- Ianbolton1
Surely you see the point of her inviting you to her show? Trauma melts your brain, so you have to build some kind of structure in there to deal with shit. Shame she couldn't tell you, but there's a whole level of chaos she's trying to deal with too. Shame and guilt and whatnot, but if you can be the calm, then maybe you could get the excitement you dream of, and she can get the calmness and security she obviously desires.
How old are you both? You sounds about 50 and she sounds about 25. ;-)
- Great story btw. I read it and could almost feel your stress.Ianbolton
- The bigger question is, will she care for you if you got eg parkinson's at age 65. Will she be there for the decade of decline, or will she bail?shapesalad
- You're absolutely right. I'm pushing 50 (though skew younger) and she's late 20s. Wasn't the plan, but here we are.catpower
- Impressive powers of deduction, Ian!BuddhaHat
- At least you know your piece works when the life starts flowing through it again.Ianbolton
- palimpsest2
"If you haven't eaten ass and had your ass eaten you haven't lived."
- palimpsest- Eating ass? That's second base at this point.catpower
- What's third base? Eating her liver?palimpsest
- pegging maybe?catpower
- Is she an organ doner?
https://www.youtube.…CyBrainX - * donorCyBrainX
- An organ doner kebabAkagiyama
- Chimp1
You need to write a book about this.
