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I'm 35 and still miss the idea of the girl I messed things up with when I was 23 and haven't really talked to in 10 years. And she's married now.
My 20's were dumb and unsuccessful and I feel stunted because of that. I wonder what things would be like now if I had been different at 23, fresh out of college.
Right now, I have a great job, no debt and am in a good place. But it took me a long time of crappy jobs to get here. It's easy to say that I tried a lot of things and that's how I got here, but I feel like I just made it hard for myself and didn't have the jobs that helped me get here faster.
But I'm also kind of bored and lonely. I stay busy and have some friends but life could be more exciting.
I still think about loneliness in my 20s and know my life could have turned out different.
I'm in a better place than a lot of people I know, but I feel like I could have had it even better.
I try to get out there and meet new people and travel and see things, but as an introvert, it's hard and things usually just end up the same.
I wonder if people with kids are happier.
All I can say (from my 39 year old brain) is that these thoughts and perspectives are normal at your age.
Wisdom(s) and big life picture stuff; none of it simple OR straightforward.
Regret/worry is like a rocking chair; fun for a while, BUT doesn't get you anywhere.
Focus forward; health is wealth and try to manifest / focus on people, places and things that you naturally are attracted to and give yourself time/space to sort it all out physically / mentally.
Nothing worthwhile is easy.
Hang on, there are people in their 30's here?
I thought we were a sad bunch of washed up divs winding each other up.
I wrote out a bunch of goals around 33 describing the life I wanted to live. Nobody told me to, I just did it because I think I was feeling similar to you. Like my life was passing me by and I wasn't really in the driver's seat.
Slowly, and one by one, each of those things happened. Maybe through luck, or maybe because of intention, but when opportunities presented themselves, I at least had a framework to evaluate them in --"does this get me closer to my goals?"
Maybe the same will work for you?
I could also add that I've worked so many jobs in my life that I feel like I've done it all and success is meaningless. I'm secure and I like my job, but I just work now for money.
Right now, I feel like I could just have a kid and retire and play with them all day. That would be the dream.
I'm a big fan for shaking things up from time to time. Thats how I found myself moving across the world six weeks after deciding to do it. This sort of thing is getting harder now that I have a house and kids.
Sound like you're young and not too tied down. Ever thought about moving to another country for a couple of years? Living somewhere gives you a much different perspective that a couple of week holiday.
- I moved 3000 miles away when I was 26. And struggled for a while but it was a good change. Now 10 years later, I have a nice apartment and job, but could againdoggydoggdog
- It's easy to move away and change things up, harder to be super super local. Like really involved with local stuff.shapesalad
People with kids are happier, just ask them.
- I know some parents that hate their kids. One of them is miserable after having invitro about 18 years ago. This girl is full of drama to begin with but still..CyBrainX
- That's a rare find. I still haven't met anyone that has told me their life would be better without children.palimpsest
- I found one of my 4-year-old's socks INSIDE my shirt today at 9AM. It's chaotic, expensive, tiring, and wonderfulmisterhow
- Judging from all responses in this thread I might have been right after all!palimpsest
I love my kids (I have two) but they're a constant exercise in self control and staying calm. The toughest thing about the pandemic is that after not working downtown and taking the train to/from work, my buffer between work brain and home brain is almost nonexistent. The train was "my time" and a nice 35-50 minute opportunity to unwind and be ready to be home and engaged and active as a parent.
But I am happy as a parent. I know it's not for everyone, but I always felt that our path in life - if we choose it - is to try and make good little humans that can become good big humans. It's not easy teaching kids empathy, compassion, tolerance, etc. but I wouldn't trade the challenge for anything.
Just need to find a life perhaps
I never wanted kids, not that I thought I wouldn't be good at it or enjoy, but to be honest this world is so fucked already, why do that to someone else..
but wifey had always wanted them and I knew I had to either let her go so she could, hard fast and let that window pass and have her resent me the rest of her life.. or spawn.
I love my children and even when they are being taxing (and trust me, children are hard work) its still worth it.
do I lay awake at night worried about their futures, absolutely..
does it terrify me that in 6 years my eldest will be adult.. even more so..
do I regret any of it.. no
as for lamenting past flames.. forward forever.. backwards never
no shame in depression. spend a lifetime unfulfilled, unable to create connections. look back on girlfriends and wonder how she still talks to the guy she married after you dated, all six of them. your mother may or may not be dead, but either way, your father won't answer your phone calls, even your step-brother wonders why you would call him. a lifetime of loneliness and deposits is good for the mind and soul. suicide is an interesting topic.
I have all the respect in the world for people who are good parents. I've always loved kids but I never wanted them once I was old enough and able to. I've been laid off several times and it wrecks me psychologically each time. If I had kids on top of that I can't imagine being a good parent. I don't think I'd be a great parent to begin with. I also love my life with the GF in a one bedroom and don't have more than a $million to spend on a family sized apt. in NYC and I have no interest in life in the suburbs.
I managed to stay away from having kids until I was 40 then met the lady of my dreams, we married and been happy ever since. Sounds sweet, but she had 2 pre-teens already, both with mental issues but I loved her took her on all in, after 5 years we had our own son, recently turned 19 and he's a chip off the old block.
Life took hold, unpredictible shit, one teen ended up in care another disappeared off the planet (still missing years later) but a couple of years ago the one in care had a baby, of course he can't keep her. Enter social services to grill me & the missus for 12 months to ensure we take care of her, which we now do.
The poppet has just turned 2 and we love every day with her, yes it's hard work and not as expensive as the scaremongers might say so I guess I'm just saying roll with what life throws at you, if you can handle the fun and joy kids give you it's worth the hassle coz tbh we're here to look after them and there's nothing I would rather do (than another mix and dig through a box of albums lol)
- Life is not without bumps on the road, and lovely you are taking it in stride.Nutter
- That was the best thing I read in a while. Thank you.Longcopylover
- I love Gardener. He’s like a fine wine that gets better with every post. Thanks for leading this pack of misfits by example.imbecile
- Lovely post ♥️PonyBoy
- Keep up the good work. Both in your personal life and DJ/mix life. You're an inspiration in both.fooler
- Top work! Had a similar thing with my older sister, she had a bunch of kids with deadbeats and ruined them kids lives, my mom and dad had to step in an becomenecromation
- had become legal guardians in their 60s to my sister's eldest and manage to save her, she's not long graduated from uni and thriving... My sister is dead to menecromation
- Your sir are a legend. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post. Wishing you & yours all the best!pseud
- aww thank you for the kind words guys, I probably spilled too many beans (for my wifes liking) last night, thats 3 glasses of wine for yaGardener
- total respect xzardoz
- Thanks for proving my point.palimpsest
- Very coolcrazyprick
- Keep Going Gardener...love is the waystoplying
- Love ya Gardy.garbage