Best Man Speech
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- kev_charlton
Gotta make a speech at my bros' wedding in a few weeks...
anyone got any good one liners that I can use?
- de4k0
I concluded mine with...
'I assume most of you know that they have this awesome honeymoon planned; (insert their actual honeymoon plans, detail etc).
but my brother gave me the distinct impression recently that they were going to spend it in North Wales.....
....at least that's what I thought when he said he was going to Bangor all week.'
Bride's mum loved it!
- ghandolf0
"So I wish them the best of luck in their new life together.
He told me that they are buying a house close to where I live.Actually, as a repeat offender, he's required by the courts to inform ALL his neighbors of where he's living now, and it must not be within a 1000 yards of any school, Day Care, or children's playground."
Cheers,
- kev_charlton0
Haha, both cracking! Especially the Bangor one, that's defo going in there!!
Keep em coming...
- jox0
Hahahaha!
- fyoucher10
Keep it short and sweet. I wrote a nice one., was too long. Tried to remember it entirely. Completely choked when I got the mic. Wasn't good.
- Wolfboy0
Start with a big picture of the groom looking gormless and use it as the punch line for your opening gag. When I was best man I opened with a story of how I met him - I was moving in to a house in my first year at Uni and he took a room there at the last minute when a Swedish girl pulled out of the house unexpectedly. I didn't know this till the day I moved in so when I went to say hello to this scandinavian goddess I was confronted with this: (cue picture of the groom looking a tool)
it gets a really easy big laugh to kick it off with and when that happens it suddenly becomes easy and enjoyable.
- chossy0
say
"traditionally the best man speech has to last as long as the first time the new couple have sex as husband and wife, thank you for listening"
then sit down.
- 5timuli0
Giving a best man's speech is a bit like having sex with the queen... the privilege far outweighs the pleasure.
- Jaline0
lol @ all above comments
- woodyBatts0
I told a story about how he went to delaware to get a tatoo and chickened out, so I went to the ATM, got money out and got a tatoto and made fun of him for a bout 10 years about it. The whole time i'm doing this I'm showing off the tattoo with my tux on.
but the spin of it was is that he didn't get the tattoo b/c he was advised by his parents not to ( i look his mom in the eye ) because he honors his parents, and that his parents raised him to be a good man, blah blah blah blah...not a dry eye in the house
So take a silly story and frame it to show what characteristics are good about your bro.
- mg330
Just for you:
"You know, he used to have a saying a few years back: 'You know what you call all that useless skin around a vagina?
(scroll down)
A WOMAN!'
But I'm glad to see that he's found one worthy enough to call his wife."
That's free, btw - you can use it all you want!
- Witt0
"This to say... my brother is too advanced but also a total cunt."
then he sues everyone for one hundred grand.
- Jaline0
Whenever there is a scenario involving someone calling someone else a "cunt", it reminds me of that Curb episode where Larry calls some gay-in-the-closet a "cunt" (I think that was the word he used).
- kev_charlton0
*bump*
- kelpie0
arg cringe, don't be too dirty at least not if you're pissed - too tempting to go on a roll and embarrass the entire room
- kelpie0
my pal got married last weekend, they went go-karting for the stag do and his brothers best man gag revolved around the groom placing second in the race, a surprise to the bride who is used to him coming first, blah blah, guffaw, hilarity. His Da wore a face like thunder for the rest of the day, everybody else was laughing. Then my other pal fell in a fountain while attempting to rescue a bottle of whisky. Dignified affair.
- 23kon0
the last wedding i was at was my cousins wedding. the grooms best man used to do stand-up comedy in his early to late teens. was the FUNNIEST best mans speech i have ever heard.
- moth0
Sex and cunt jokes only work if you're Billy Connelly.