Toilet Etiquette
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- tasty0
there are people who's job it is to clean public restrooms around the globe. The people who leave a mess are doing a service and securing the restroom cleaning jobs across the globe.
Here's to the man who misses the toilet.
As we all know women don't poop - so it has to be a man.- Audi Chariman Franz-Josef Kortüm speaking at the shareholder's AGM yesterday.Spookytim
- oh man, if only you were right.Jaline
- I mean, if only it were true that women didn't poop as much as they do in public washrooms.Jaline
- i bet womens poop is god awful considering they hold it in for daystasty
- lol @ tastyHaydesign
- pr20
ok, why the fuck would you an to go no 2 in the public toilet? You really can't hold it long enough to do it in the comfort of your house?
I never really care about the state of the toilets i'm in cause i only go there to piss, while the one at home is being cleaned regulary by my bro's wife...- I actively enjoy shitting in public toilets - and what of it?detritus
- a hobby...pr2
- I totally agree. Unless people have to go BADLY, I don't see why they would want to do a no.2 in a public toilet.Jaline
- I bet your bro's wife thinks your a dirty little twat who insists on storing up his loafs for her to deal with! :-)Haydesign
- uncle_helv0
Hopefully this will help....
CROP DUSTING:
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.FLY BY:
This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.ESCAPEE:
This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasyJAILBREAK:
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occured.COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink ! up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER:
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.THE POO FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and i! dentify SAFE HAVENS.SAFE HAVENS:
A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.TURD BURGLAR:
This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.ASTAIRE:
An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will all doubt that the
stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the person can poo in peace.WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.UNCLE TOM:
An Uncle Tom is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend ! extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Tom makes it difficult to relax while on the toilet, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.
- avolve0
how about...
"NO STINKY SHITTING OR PISSING, THIS IS A TOILET.... NOT A TOILET!"
- jaylarson0
It was at NT that I learned of the courtesy flush in a similar thread.
^^ Nice one uncle_helv
- janne760
220 volts through the feet everytime a drop hits the floor...