first viral crit
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- 26 Responses
- janne76
a first, just trying out, we made this quickly. me starring in it, for a company of someone i know.
please comment, say what would be more effective etc. thanks!
- d_rek0
More Tent. It stays.
- dMullins0
I think it's funny overall. There are some parts that come off as forced, such as when you snap the tripod closed on your finger.
Good stuff though. Is there going to be more?
- ukit0
I have no context at all, but its pretty damn funny
- Continuity0
Agreed, with Mr Mullins, it's funny overall. I like the concept a lot, but indeed there are bits of it that seem forced or predictable. For example, right at the beginning where you knock your head on the door frame; before you do so, it seems to me you're looking right at it, so my first thought was, 'Gee, I didn't see THAT coming.' And the bit when you're fiddling with the tripod upside down seemed un-natural.
I'm picking nits, though. Like I said, it's a great concept; the pacing, scenarios and actions just need to be more refined to look natural and spontaneous, without so much telegraphing.
- agreed about the head knock... couldn't change much about it after this though...janne76
- and thanks a lot for the thorough crit!!janne76
- My pleasure, I certainly didn't intend to come off as a jerk. Like I said, I really like the idea. :)Continuity
- Continuity0
Out of sheer curiosity, what was this shot with?
- janne760
thanks, guys.
Sony handicam HC 37 or something like that, meant to look like cheap video. no depth and all that...
- NickInfozure0
Like it. The smoke from the light at the end is a nice touch.
- janne760
yeah, you think the smoke looks realistic enough? it was done in post production....
- Looks good to me. But then I'm no expert.NickInfozure
- But I have eyes and it looked like smoke.NickInfozure
- Continuity0
@janne, re: your note about head-banging
Well it's more for future reference, I suppose. A good twist on the idea would have been you successfully navigating the doorway, but - because you were so focussed on making sure you don't bean yourself on the frame - you snag your foot on something on the other side of the door, and trip. Something like that, just to disrupt the viewer's expectations a bit.
- PIZZA0
needs more cats or it'll never be viral
- janne760
very good point, Continuity. Thanks!
and lol PIZZA, good point!
- bulletfactory0
well done - i liked it.
- whereRI0
over the top id say. needs to be more subtle. filming etc is fine but the writing/script needs to be looked at...
(my 2 cents)
- Well, without wanting to generalise, Dutch humour is a little OTT anyway. Look at De Lullo's/Jiskefet.Continuity
- TheBlueOne0
Well done Janne...
- raf0
I love it, just not sure about its viral potential.
- 74LEO0
Om! Was that it? Viral bloopers?
- Projectile0
a bit of fuzzy broken camera distortedness (fuck i cant think what to call it) when the camera falls should be easyish..? just stick a few frames of conpletely random shapes and colour.
maybe some bleeped out swearing? ...but yeah it didnt take me long to realise it was staged. (but then again I am one seriously sharp muthafucker. *puts on shades*)
- fugged0
Nice work mate.
I think the text is cumbersome to read the way it's spread out. It just doesn't flow for me. I'd almost prefer to see it all in once screen, with the exception of the "Isn't it". Maybe it's because I have no short term memory though :)
- +1 .. the gap is too long, they become words, rather than a sentence.lukus_W