QBN Anthology I
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- sikma0
And I was looking at some music message board and some guy was saying "Oh, thank god a new Green Day album this year! Bring back punk rock like when I was a kid ten years ago! You know the good, real punk!"
And I said...Green Day? Real punk? That was...ten years ago??!! oh fuck...
And then my back went out...
-TheBlueOne
Mar 13, 09, 1:50 p.m.
- skt0
that's ok, tim.
i like jamiroquoi- 7point34
- juhls0
drgss:
"What does ethno purity has to do with this, Europe is a completely different story
I want people to understand that designers are made out of dung. All people in the advertising industry are made out of shit dungs -- literally. Advertisers and brand managers especially , because they produce absolutely nothing, are not needed by anyone, and are practically walking sewage pumps.
I want to appeal to you, dear reader, yes you who found this little note in the wast space of internet -- I want you to become a true champion. To do sports, go to the gym and build muscles. And beat up designers and advertisers. Beat the shit out of them from dawn till dusk and from dusk to dawn, everywhere you meet them, knock them down and kick them to the sound of crunching bones. To fight so hard that when your hour of death comes, and your family gathers around your bed, you wouldn't have to hide your eyes from your children and grandchildren -- from the excruciatingly painful and insulting fact that you aimlessly spent all your years designing flyers for your moms Jahova wig store:
http://www.qbn.com/topics/586974…...If you ever meet a designer -- punch him in the fucking nose, break his horn-rimmed glasses! Grab him by the long hair and smash his face against a wall. Grab that stupid ABT book out of his hands, chew it to pieces and spit it in his face!
Or have a friendly talk with him, make him laugh, and then strangle him to death. Break his jaw and tear his tongue out, and put it you know where.If anyone of you does not like what I wrote, and he wants to sort this out with me -- send me an email to my address . And I will answer you. I will do everything to meet each and everyone of you in person, and I will fight you in a fair fight. Rest assured, I will beat the shit out of you wholeheartedly.
And death to america"
Mar 26, 09, 6:20 a.m.
http://www.qbn.com/topics/329751…- epiclocustsloth
- I stand by this being the funniest thing I've read all year. From start to finish, classic.flavorful
- "And death to America"
AHHAHAHAHA!! Fucking hilarious!sikma - flav, it's one of the best, for sure. I still can't stop laughing.juhls
- HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Haven't seen this one.. secretly, drgss is brilliant hahajanne76
- hahahahabenfal99
- lol that pic was taken on my birthday last yearjanne76
- flavorful0
holy fuck i googled "illiteracy" and this thread came up #1.
horton
(Mar 31, 09, 3:53 p.m.)
- kona0
Dear Uber,
How was your March? I know you had so much on your plate, and I just was curious how you were doing on a few of the inquires you made.
Have you picked a christian sect yet? How'd everything work out with that Rip Taylor look a like who accosted you in the airport? Did you get that Jesus Fish sticker for the back of your car? Are you still taking those crazy pills while trying to figure out that whole cops dashboard camera thing? Any more confusing spam in your in box? How many Londoners did you get to agree to meet up with you for some mash? How many ladies checked in with you on whether sleeve tattoos were cool? Did you get all your moutain biking questions answered? Did you find out how many Chicago peeps were on jollycorks? Still feeling proud about that whole werewolf weight thread?
I know you're such a busy guy with all these questions on your mind everyday. Did you figure out what celebrity would be your best romantic match? I hope you do get married by 40 to some hot 29 year old, but I hope by then video games no longer make you dizzy. I know you were also deeply perplexed by the fashion industry, I hope you have found some answer that has put your mind at ease. I know running that QBN census thread must've taken alot out of you. Have you met anyone else who is equally charming and naturally good looking as yourself? I did see that you inquired to such in a thread. Oh have you bought a XBox yet? Or figured out who Major Nelson was?
Did you find satisfactory answers in your quest to find out how tall everyone else is? Must have been quite a daunting project. I enjoyed your deep thoughts on why Rene Zellweger is, as you say "not fuckable". That was Pulitzer material. Did you figure out if your wireless connection was compromised? Are Mac batteries still a mystery to you? And not quite up to your Zellweger thoughts, your statement about Scarlett Johanson being a "butterface" were mad deep. I hope you came to some closure with the realization that you may or may not be an actual Jonas Brother.
Did you figure out what you're going to do with your government bonus yet? Anybody else let you know how much they enjoy their Nintendo DS? Any more thought about finding a girlfriend in Seattle, in case you have to move there? I hope God has blessed you with the deep question you had about The Mark of Cain and Mormons. That would keep me up at night. Hey, how far did you get into that Dale Carnege book? Did you finish it?
And remember when you asked if anyone else was baked? That was a good question. Did you make the transition successfully to MS Expression? Did you get that April Showers chick to give you a golden shower yet? Any progress on the To Do list for August? Did you find out who met Rosario Dawson at that party that time?
Did you have that sit down with your sister to discuss finding her gay porn stash? Did you figure out what cntrl+option+command+8 does on a mac yet? Are you still feeling like a wannabe hipster artist after your purchase of a Moleskin notebook? How's that Zippo and your smoking habit coming along? Did you buy your sister that Porsche? Any feedback from anyone using Lightwave?
I hope you made some significant progress in finding others who had hamsters at work. Any more conclusions about living in Japan, and whether you would rent or own there?
I must say, you certainly do alot every month. I don't know how you keep up.
Good luck in all your quests next month. May I suggest that it seems like this forum might not give you all the answers you seem to be seeking, maybe elsewhere on the internet might be a more suitable fit for your given needs.
Best,
TheBlueOne- http://www.qbn.com/t…version3
- sorry had to ;) from http://www.qbn.com/t…version3
- ha hascarabin_net
- HAHAkona
- i didnt myself know of "cntrl+option+comman... til i read it in here.. cool beans!!e-pill
- loljuhls
- janne760
Ill tell you. But to be perfectly clear, this is a simplification of a very complex society, written with tongue firmly in cheek. Nevertheless, they say there is always a grain of truth in stereotypes. Decide for yourself.
The Ex-Student
This young man aspires to be director of ABN-AMRO, but is more likely to be an unemployed dot-commer. Wearing his signature expensive brown shoes, button-down shirt and Micky Mouse socks (to demonstrate fun), he can often be seen imbibing great quantities of beer in Amsterdam Zuid while subtly preening his hair. Dont be fooled that devil-may-coiffe is carefully constructed to give the correct impression of unrestrained bounty.
The Supermodel
Many Dutch women are convinced theyre beautiful, regardless of what the beholder thinks. This model of dubious pulchritude can often be spotted in her Anastasia outfit, bowling down anyone who gets in her way. Her trademark bicycle bell rings to warn you of her approach better be fast, or youll get sideswiped by a dirty look. Often seen in KLM stewardess uniforms, their trademark expression is dat kan niet. Frequently the target of Ex-Students.
The Old Money Man
Calvinism has instilled in the Dutch a sense that it is gauche to flaunt it. So the wealthy have to settle for small, but by no means subtle, tokens of status. Note the model number removed from the Mercedes (as if we didnt know it was a Mercedes), the coat-of-arms pinky ring or the carefully-frayed designer digs. Rarely seen in the Netherlands, because theyre usually in Switzerland or France where they can really show it off with the second wife. Not to be confused with the New Money Man.
The New Money Man
With Wesley Snipes as his role model, this guy can usually be found cruising Amsterdam's PC Hoofdstraat with an anorexic, tanned Barbie by his side. Fond of Porsches and BMWs, this guys not ashamed to let you know hes loaded, with money and who knows what else. Dont ask him what he does for a living.
Sjonnie & Anita
Sjonnie is a pet name for Jan, worn by the guy who showed up three days late to fix your dishwasher, told you hed be back but never returned. He and Anita like to take their trailer to the Dutch mountains to go camping with all their neighbours, where they eat Hagelslag and talk about how great it is to get away from it all. Fans of shag cigarettes and white pants, and in Anitas case a good set of fake nails, these two met at the broodjesspeciaalzaak and dream of having a big, white boat.
The Socialist
Earns a decent living as part-time editor of an environmental magazine with revenues derived entirely from EU subsidies, and doesnt tell anyone s/he pays only 200 per month for that social housing flat on the canal. The Socialist is an all-too-abundant leftover of the sixties and seventies, a slayer of cars, tourists and all things commercial. Except for their old crap, which theyll sell you at inflated prices given the chance. Usually spotted wearing their trademark burlap sack (to carry groceries), these types are fond of city councils, and parking fines for people who work.
The Old Lady
Mevrouw de Bruin has seen it all. Better finish everything on your plate, or youre likely to provoke a lecture on the hongerwinter, in 1944, when the Nazis took all the Dutch food and let them starve. She hasnt forgiven them, nor does she forgive you for whatever youve done to incur her wrath. Stay clear of her shopping buggy as Mevrouw carefully counts out the coins from her purse to buy that seniors tram ticket. Cant trust the conductors to make the right change.– neue75_bold (on Dutch stereotypes)
http://www.qbn.com/topics/589155…
F'n genius, he almost knows NL better than I do.
- flavorful0
If you can highlight the copy on the Tiffany site, it's a system font.
jteore
(Apr 22, 09, 12:14 p.m.)
- digdre0
I managed to watch valkyrie last night and thought it was a good movie, it does make you wonder how Hitler staid alive so long with even his own country men hating him.
— roundaboutCounter:
I wondered the same thing for 8 years about bush.
— exador1
- janne760
"But if the moon effects the tides and women's periods then who the fuck is anyone to say this sort of cosmic alignment doesn't effect shit on fucking earth?"
Who said it "doesn't effect shit"? Of course it "effects shit" but it doesn't do this giant fuck all cosmic bong damage age of aquarius bullshit...
Gee, what happened on May 2, 2000? Remember that oh hippydoomslayer?
http://archives.cnn.com/2000/TEC…...
You know what happened? Nothing. Fucking nothing. And all the planets all lined up.
Please stop with the pseudo science crap. The local gravitational effects of what happened on May 2, 2000 are far greater than any half-assed understanding of "plane alignment with the milky way" the sun might have with the center of the galaxy, which is about 8.0 kilo parsecs away, you're throwing about all willy nilly, and nothing happened.— TheBlueOne
- janne760
That is not a plane by the way it's an american blue nosed flying whale, they have painted it in the air force one colours and thrown a food packet into the sky in order to coax it out of the ocean, that shadow in the bottom right is infact a sixteen tonne food ball of echidnas coconuts and lynxs, basically the things which naturally drift by the mouths of blue nosed flying whales.
Cheers.chossy
- nilsnihil0
My name is Tom
-digdre- http://www.qbn.com/t…nilsnihil
- gold.
isn't itdigdre - It middleweight goldennilsnihil
- blaw0
You nerds always take things too far.
—juhls
- shitehawke0
Do you guys paint custom graphics on vans? I need a barbarian with a sword and a chick with a helmet with a dragon and a white unicorn rearing on it's hind legs with mane resplendent in the background.
– TheBlueOnehttp://www.qbn.com/topics/593151…
http://www.qbn.com/topics/593151…
- dropdown0
what's the significance of the soup?
— 7point34
- pylon0
hahaha at these notes
If I were white, I'd be red.
– juhls
- flavorful0
I have had a brave attempt at being a Twitter douchebag. After giving it my all for maybe one to two weeks I came to conclude there are six types of people on there:
1. Ego overloaded 'celebrity' types who think its charming to be able to babble with the proletariat but are far too busy to actually read anyone else's tweets.
2. The proletariat who think its exciting to be able to babble to celebs and are either (i)accepting or (ii) frustrated by the lack of response from them.
3. Spammers and marketeers of:
a) Porn
b) Low cost ways to grow your twitter followers for business
c) Alternative lifestyle products4. Yoko Ono.
5. People who think they are funny and are driven by the belief they will 'be discovered' and enjoy a career as a people's comedian.
6. Those who try it, and fail to see the point.
The bottom line is it would be more fun writing short messages on post-it notes and leaving them anonymously in public places.
Orbit
(Jun 17, 09, 3:22 a.m.)
- benfal990
from same most cynical forum on the internet:
"A SECOND PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO MICHAELS OTHER NOSE"
- e-pill0
OFFICIAL QBN ANNOUNCEMENT :::::::: : ::: ::::
1st prize : e-pill
2nd prize : e-pill
3rd prize : e-pill
Please e-pill, send a check of 5,000$ for the shipping to benfal99. He will send you the stuff. Congrats!benfal99
(Jul 10, 09, 7:42 p.m.)
- e-pill0
ME: I'm just happy to be nominated.
QBN: You weren't nominated.
ME: Wait, WHAT WTF I WASNT EVEN NOMINATED?
QBN: No sorry, better luck next time, why don't you vote for one of OSFA's entries?
ME: MOTHER F@$%!#
sry, just being a sore loser.PIITB
(Jul 14, 09, 11:05 a.m.)