I am done!
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- jawks0
Oh, LOLOL I almost forgot.
There was this other guy there, Daniel. Big as a house but a voice like a hamster. I guess after too many funny pills building that body. When you're picking crap up right next to someone for hours, you kind of strike up a conversation whether you like it or not.
Anyway, he was explaining to me how he had ended up there, and said something along the lines of "Yeah, so I was leaving this guy's place at like 4 am, and this really cocky dude came up to me so I stabbed him in the stomach". And he said it in such a creepy way as if it's something we all do at some point during the day. I was like "*gulp* Right.... uh huh". And then he went "So what you doing here?" and I was like "Well, I had parked in a red and didn't want to get towed, a I got caught with alcohol in my blood as i moved it around". So he turned to me and said "Fuck, man. That sucks."
LOL
- lol, niceharlequino
- hfhAHAhhAHhahha!!!flavorful
- hahahaha, you criminals are funny.JOSF
- johnny law is hard but faircapsize
- lol!!!! that's so awesome!VectorMasked
- flavorful0
Officer 1: So the Highlander is getting out of traction today. Can you please not shiv him in the back while he's doing your work this time?
Guy 3: Rubber ducky you're the one.
Guy 1: Sure thing. The lighting isn't proper to beat someone up.
jawks: Hey guys I'm back! Wow that trash really ... uh ... piled up huh?
Guy 2: You remind me of this 70 year old guy I raped. Do you have father or possible grandfather?
jawks: I do but they probably would have mentioned being raped by a man who could pass for Gossamer.
Guy 1: Do you know what day it is?
jawks: A fine day to give some hapless sap a proper beating?
Guy 2: Replace hapless sap with old cripply man with wrinkly balls and proper beating with proper rogering.
Guy 3: ...
jawks; ....
Guy 1: I honestly just wanted to know the day.
jawks: Oh, I think Thursday?
Guy 4: Hey guys whose your new friend?
Guy 1: Daniel this is the guy we hide our shivs in.
Guy 4: HI!!
jawks: Uh ... hey ... big ... guy ... did your testicles ever descend you sound like what I can only imagine Tinkerbell's voice if she ever spoke.
Guy 1: He's here because some guy said, "Where's the Pepsi?" and he stabbed him to the stomach 45 times.
Guy 4: Basically I stabbed him until my arm got tired. My arm actually never gets tired but I had been shot by 4 tranquilizer darts at the time.
jawks: I don't belong here.
Guy 2: Man, all this talk about old men balls is making me harder than prostate cancer.
Guy 1: Hey shiv holder what are you hear for?
jawks: I didn't want to get a ticket, so I moved my car and ... you know wrong place wrong time kind of thing. More of a misunderstanding than anything.
Guy 3: Tell me about it. I was all splish splash taking a bath and a SWAT Team came in and took me away from my rubber ducky.
jawks: That hardly seems fair.
Guy 3: I was in my special room which was just a pool of all the blood from my special buddies after I drained them by hanging them upside down on bungee chords so I could see them jump up and down.
jawks: Thus proving my point that these kind of things happen to the best of us.
Guy 4: Fuck man. That sucks.
Guy 2: Seriously ... can one of you guys fist me while I was go to my spank bank and think of this 83 year old male Toll Worker I raped?
Guy 1: You know today is turning out to be a great day after all.
Guy 3: Will you be my special buddy.
jawks: AHHHH!!! WHO THE FUCK SHIVED ME?! OH MY G-D!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE ... I'M GOING DOWN ... GET THE OFFICER ... THIS IS THE BIG ONE ... OH SWEET COUNT CHOCULA!!!* Moments later. *
Officer 1: You're lucky they got to us in time, you were bleeding pretty bad. Never really saw someone get stabbed like that. I'm probably not going to be able to sleep for awhile.
jawks: Hahah no, it was a joke. I acted like I got shived so you could get me out of there, Those guys are fucking insane. All I fucking did was park a car, these guys stab people for not knowing the correct answer to 2 + 2 is Spokane, Washington.
Doctor 2: ... Sir. You were brutally, savagely, vehemently raped and as a result now have syphilis of the eye. It's a medical marvel, but your lungs are now filled with gonorrhea and you have more AIDS in you than the all of the sorority houses at Michigan University combined.
jawks: But ... I was acting.
Officer 1: Yea, Daniel ran for help when you went down because despite his looks and voice is actually a sensible guy but the others pounced on you much like an eagle or hawk to a small rodent.
jawks: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY LEFT HAND?!
Doctor 1: Currently being slowly digested by Guy 3.
Officer 1: Good news you've done your time. Once you heal up you're free to go.
jawks: I'm tainted goods.
Doctor 2; Actually, we had to remove your taint as a result of the...
jawks: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!After about the first sentence I had no idea where this was going and still don't.
- BWHAHAHA! Dude, you should farking write comedy man, honestly!!jawks
- TeganTorch0
welcome back, jawks :)
is there a little jawks running around yet?
- OSFA0
hahaha, next time, just 'be bad'....
- JackRyan0
Ahhh, good for you man. That must have sucked.
- creative-0
Welcome back dude, how's your ass.
- 2cents0
Is this the car they transported you in?
- creative-0
Or this?
- OSFA0
hahaha, I saw this and reminded me of jawks...