Crap brief
- Started
- Last post
- 24 Responses
- Horp0
Dear disrespectful dog walker,
I'm watching out for you. It may take me a few more wasted hours at my window, but eventually I will identify which of you it is that leaves your dog's shit in the street outside, where people walk, where children play.
Your dog shit gets on our shoes. It stinks. It comes into our houses if we haven't noticed it before we get home.
So I'm going to quietly invest my free time in pursuit of your identity. Then, when I have you, I will follow you home. When you next let you dog shit on our streets, I will scoop it up and feed it to your letterbox. If you don't stop, I will come at you from behind, with a hammer, take you down in the darkness.
While you twitch and shake in shock on the floor at my feet, I will take a shit that came from your dog's arsehole, and I will feed it to you, rub it into your skin, force it behind your eyelids, cake your mouth out with it, push it right up your nostrils so it hurts, force it into your ears so you cannot hear. I will cover you in your dog's shit. I will take back the time you have forced me to invest in finding you gleeful, with unhinged, depraved retribution.
Your good friend,
Candy.- with gleeful....
not
gleeful with,,,Horp - this must be the most effective, if you actually follow it throughd_gitale
- Personally, the fact that its a possibility makes it effective without the action...Horp
- You'd only have to seed the thought that there might be a mad person on the look out...Horp
- Then go to first base with the shit through the letterbox part, and after that, fear would be enough.Horp
- fuck you, candy
;)monospaced
- with gleeful....
- BaskerviIle0
Yes!
This thread has really gone places since I left work.
Like the mini flag idea- I called the flag company (posted a link) and had the woman cracking up laughing when I explained my intended usemonospaced
- intended usemonospaced
- haha, you probably brightened up her dayBaskerviIle
- monospaced0
Ok, I'm ordering a couple hundred custom stick flags (jumbo ones are 3x5 inches on 5" sticks) for less than $30.
What should they say?
- Law Breakers is too timid. I want something to really shame them.monospaced
- mg330
I think you just need to start crapping on their door mat. Just a big, wicked pile of brown mounds.
- mg330
I think that what you do is get some bean paste, and some chocolate pudding, and smear it all over someone's face (they'll be helping you out with this project). Take a photo of them in this hideous state, and put it on a sign that says:
"Hey shit marauder - next time it's going on your face you fuckface!"
- coldarchon0
make a dog poo barrier like the annoying devil from balls of steel:
neither the dogs nor the owners will want to come back ..
- sry no embedding -.-coldarchon
- Why do people disable embedding anyways?mg33
- the question is why can't I see that before I post it?coldarchon
- worst tv show everanimatedgif
- /enemied animatedgifcoldarchon
- zoozoo0
the neighbor allowed the dog to shit in our elevator, just left it there.
- mikotondria30
Start taking pictures of the dogs shitting and the owners standing there. Then put up a little board and pin up the pictures as and when you get them.
Put a big title at the top, like "This Week's Cunts".
Don't forget the apostrophe.
- animatedgif0
or alternatively start taking all your shits on the pavement too, eventually there will be so much shit they'll step in it next time they come by
- animatedgif0
If they're already doing it why would a poster stop them.
The only solution is to keep watch, find the culprit. Collect the evidence and smear it all over their front door handle
- jgrafx0
@toodee: i guess cats are too intelligent...
- Hue0
How about "NO SHIT SHERLOCK" - NO Shit sherlock patrols these streets investigating your dogs mess
- jgrafx0
Dont print, act :)
The best solution: pepper. My mother used this for years. Ist cheap, buy powdered pepper at large amounts and spread them where the dogs shouldnt shit. Due to the size, no one recognizes this on asphalt or concrete. They sniff it, they sneeze, they dont like it. And shit somewhere else.
- genius!BaskerviIle
- No way. Does that work with cats too?toodee