Signs your getting old?
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- Ramanisky23
This fucking ad follows me everywhere.
- This is never a way to behave, no matter the situation.CyBrainX
- ... follows you? lol you move slowAQUTE
- ^ exactly.. I’m fucking old nowRamanisky2
- Krassy14
- fooler2
I've been getting my haircut at SportClips in a stripmall instead of a hipster barbershop in a trendy party of town.
- My wife cuts my hair Mr. Fancypants.
Lolz.ideaist - I've self-clipped my bald dome for over 15 yearsPonyBoy
- Agreed with Pony. self shave for the win. Fuck you "Big Hair"! We don't need you.skinny_puppy
- I'm holding onto this comb-over as long as I can!fooler
- Just before lockdown began I bought a self clipper, hair scissors, mouth thermometer and pulse oximeter. Not been to a barber's since, never used the oximeter.comicsans
- Self clip ... set it to low settings and shave nice and tight and free $$Ramanisky2
- i can't imagine trusting a new graduate from hair school every month or twoimbecile
- who said they even graduated?fooler
- O,,oimbecile
- My wife cuts my hair Mr. Fancypants.
- ideaist5
I'm wearing a Holter/Heart monitor (once again) @ 40 years old as I continue to age rapidly internally BUT (seemingly) continue to age in inverse (like Benjamin Button) externally.
: )
- MrT6
There are so many things I’d like Punches For, that I can’t be arsed to post any of them.
- rzu-rzu2
slowly (very slowly) evolving into:
- HAL90010
Wisdom
- Gnash5
48 years ago today
- rzu-rzu0
released 30 years ago...
- nb3
Many college students are too young to remember Obama being elected.
- NBQ002
This little fella is 35 years old.
- Ramanisky23
Purchased this bad boy on Amazon and just enjoying a nice frosty one while burning sticks, branches and leaves. Ahhh the simple things.
- fooler3
Chicago just announced plans for a new stadium for Da Bears.
I thought "Didn't they just renovate Soldier Field, then I looked it up and that was 20 Years Ago!
- Morning_star22
Sunday morning, i'm full of fresh, hopeful spring vibes. I eat a couple of 'those' gummies and head to the enormous Sainsbury's up Oldbury to do a big shop. I park, i get a trolley, i register a scanner with my Nectar. Airpods in, sweet tunes on and away I go.
The aisles of paralysing choice are colourful today and my soundtrack puts a groove into my steps. There's a certain glorious youthful euphoria baked into what happened next. Whilst choosing still-warm, aromatic fresh breads I catch the eye of an elegant sun-dressed gentlewoman doing the same. We smile and share the frisson. Intimate. We catch each other’s gaze at the cheeses and again across cabbages and leeks.
Distracting daydreams of our impossibly perfect life on the shores of an Italian lake meant the cat didn’t eat and we’ve still got no tin foil. Our accidental odyssey ends as she heads towards the fast fashion. I don’t. The gamble of the self scan till falls in my favour, no checks, sweet. I emerge, free into the sunlight pushing my loaded chariot as I wistfully reminisce about the possibilities of our unspoken connection across the vegetable aisle.
I pull up at the back of my car and press the key to open the boot. Simultaneously, the door doesn't open and I wither at the sight of a deep, violent scratch down the side of my car. All four panels look like I fucked Wolverine’s mum and sister and he found out. I look about for some sign of the soon-to-be dead vehicle assailant with no luck. I exclaim loudly “Which motherfucker did this?” as I’m attempting to rub out the scratch and crush the key fob in an attempt to get the back door open.
The scratch is like Cheddar Gorge and the fob isn’t fucking working. I’m confused as to how this trench of a scuff has managed to affect the electronics. And then I hear, from behind me, quite abruptly and aggressively, “Can I help you”. I turn and see what could only be described as blustering gammon walking towards me. At pace.
Again, “CAN. I. HELP.” I’m very confused and reply whilst pointing, “I don’t think so, unless you did this”. And the aging, Greggs hooligan spits “Yes I fucking did. PROBLEM?”. His piggy eyes stare. I don’t know what’s going on. I look around for a clue or weapon whilst spluttering “My keys don’t work”.
He’s two foot in front of me and he laughs in my face. I can see the hairs up his nose as his laughter distorts his fat, red face. I manage half a “...why?” as I’m frantically pressing the key-fob button. His hand reaches out. I think ‘this guy’s got some fucking stones for a cunt with undeniably high blood pressure’ and he grabs my shoulder. My hands form fists, I tense.
He’s wheezing and guffawing like a braying mule. Unable to speak, the gammon points and turns me towards his scratched car’s twin, two parking spaces away with its boot open and lights flashing. A meek “Oh” escapes me . He pats me on the back as I trundle the twenty feet to my unblemished ride.
- Haha that’s nuts. Teach you to get high and go out in the world ! ;)mort_
- lmao ... I’ve actually opened someone else’s unlocked car and got halfway in thinking it was mine. Oooooops.Ramanisky2
- hehe, pretty good sport and story :-)PhanLo
- flol excellent read! Damn, though, your guy truly was a good sport.Continuity
- Another excellent writing submission for the prestigious, best written post of the year on QBN.stoplying
- Give Morning_star all the awardsRamanisky2
- Beautiful!Nairn
- I've read this like five times now.
Thanks.Nairn - "All four panels look like I fucked Wolverine’s mum and sister and he found out."
You are fantastic @Morning_star!ideaist - Nice read. It was heading towards a 'Don't F with another man's vehicle'. +1 for plot twist happy ending.hotroddy
- FLOLgarbage
- so did you get laid in the end?autoflavour
- you should write a book.milfhunter
- Great read. What a Sunday that must have been.pseud
- NGL...I thought the car was going to belong to the woman from the store.stoplying
- two Bentayga's in the same lot?timeless
- Are you secretly Catpower?CyBrainX
- garbage0
Just to piggyback on Morningstar's amazing post:
I've done the same. Big shop, walk to car, "Oh fuck the fob is dead again".
Put the groceries on the roof, and am fumbling with the fucking impossibility of removing the physical key. Some dude walks up and asks me how my day is going, and if I need help.
I just assume he's either a clipboard solicitor or a homeless dude, so I'm in full ignore mode while standing on the front tire, reaching across the hood, hoping to get the fob close enough to the ignition through the windshield to unlock the doors.
And then I hear the doors unlock, and remember that I parked in the side lot. He knew what was going on and a good laugh was had.
Experiencing that high? I probably would have told him to keep the groceries before running into the nearest oncoming bus, suicide out of total embarrassment.
