Joke of the Day
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- sem0
True fact, the trampoline was originally called the jumpoline until your mother went on in back in 1976.
- GeorgesIV0
What do you call an invisible mom that got a sex change?
- >>>>GeorgesIV
- TransparentGeorgesIV
- Trannysparent********
- a person god damn itcannonball1978
- not cool set.ohhhhhsnap
- Krassy0
A scientist tells a spider to move and it moves.
The scientist then rips off all of the spiders legs.
He tells the spider to move again and it doesn't move.
He proclaims his findings to everyone:
"Spiders cant hear without legs."- no ears per se, but sensitive hairs on the legs help them feeldrgs
- Krassy0
Why does Snoop Dog always carry an umbrella?
- >Krassy
- Fo drizzle, in case of a Lil Wayne.Krassy
- hahaha!monospaced
- braaaavo!! eheheh
GeorgesII - told this joke in a bar. it's all about the delivery.ohhhhhsnap
- GeorgesII0
What is brown and rhymes with snoop?
- GeorgesII0
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive! “The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen.
The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?" The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
- ohhhhhsnap0
- >>>>ohhhhhsnap
- >>>ohhhhhsnap
- >>ohhhhhsnap
- >ohhhhhsnap
- http://37.media.tumb…ohhhhhsnap
- That was a lot of effort...elahon
- lolutopian
- http://i.imgur.com/z…********
- Elahon lol fair enuffohhhhhsnap
- beevessine
- she is smokin hotmoldero
- dbloc0
"Please create your password below."
roses"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1friggingprettyrose"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FRIGGINGprettyrose"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FriggingPrettyRose"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourA...
"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedWhereTh..."Sorry, that password is already in use".
- GeorgesIV0
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling “spit it out, spit it out you bastard”
- chris_himself_21
How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?
- chris_himself_20
Whats worse than ants in your pants?
- GeorgesII0
A flight crew is landing at an unfamiliar airport.
The control tower gives them a runway assignment, and they start their approach.
The pilot says, "Does that runway look kind of short to you?"
The co-pilot says, "It sure does."
"I thought it was supposed to be longer than that"
"Me too"
"Better set full flaps."
"Full flaps set."
"I want thrust reversers the minute we touch."
"Standing by on the thrust reversers."
"And full power once thrust reversers are set."
"Roger that."
"I'm gonna try to catch the very end of the runway, and stand on the brakes. Stand by to reverse thrust."
"Roger that."They touch down, blast the thrust reversers, stomp the brakes, and just manage to get the plane stopped before it runs off into the grass.
The pilot says, "Damn, that was a short runway."
The co-pilot says, "Yeah, but look how wide it is."
- GeorgesII0
What did the English chav say when he won a game of chess?
- whhipp0
How can you tell you are at a gay BBQ?
- ›››whhipp
- Hot Dogs taste like Shit!whhipp
- hmm... kinda belongs here:
http://www.qbn.com/t…PonyBoy
- utopian0
What do lawyers wear to court?
- autoflavour1
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
“I was born into servitude, and when I die, my feet will be turned into glue,” replied the horse.
The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.
- BuddhaHat0
In the spirit of auto's anti-joke:
A jew, a muslim and a buddhist enter a bar. The jew orders water, the muslim orders water and the buddhist orders gin and tonic. The bartender looks at the three and asks: "Anything else?", the jew replies: "Nope, we're good."
- BuddhaHat0
aaaand a few more:
A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
---A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse says "I've just realized I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative, and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."
---
Do you know the reason Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes?
Because he uses the best ingredients.
---How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
---
How do you make a plumber cry?Kill his entire family.