Joke of the Day
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- BuddhaHat2
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was just kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
- BuddhaHat3
Two men crash into each other at an intersection. First man steps out of his wrecked car screaming:
"You son-of-a-bitch, you wrecked my Jag! I'm a lawyer, I'm going to sue you for everything you have!"
Other man responds, "You Lawyers only care about money, you don't even realize you just lost an arm."
The Lawyer looks down where his arm should be and yells "Where's my fucking Rolex!"
- AQUTE-1
- feels like this would be cancelled if it was a guyautoflavour
- _niko0
To go with simon’s fat models post lol
- BuddhaHat1
A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills
One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."
So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.
"Hey can you break a 15 dollar bill for me," one of them says.
"Oh, sure, no problem," the cashier says. The counterfeiters grin at each other.
"I told you," the one whispers to the other, and they fist bump.
Then the cashier says to them, "so, do you want an 8 and a 7, or two 3's and a 9?"
- rootlock5
The Russian army is marching into Finland
They hear a faint voice from the other side of a snowbank: One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers.
The Russain general sends 10 soldiers. There is some gunfire then everything is quiet.
The voice then whispers, one Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russian soldiers. The Russian general sends 100 Russian soldiers.
There is more gunfire and then silence. The voice speaks up again and says one Finnish soldier is better than 1000 Russian soldiers.
The Russian general then sends 1000 Russian soldiers. There is a lot of gunfire and then silence.
Soon after a bloodied Russian soldier crawls over the snowbank and screams his last breath: GENERAL! do not send more troops! it's a trap! there are two Finnish soldiers!
- Krassy6
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people...
- BuddhaHat7
A man was walking along the countryside where he notices a lot of sheep and only one shepherd so curiously, he walks over to him and asks
"Are those sheep yours?"
"Which ones, the black, or the white?"the shepherd asks.
"The black ones?"
"They're mine." He said
"I see, what about the white ones then?"
"They are also mine." he replies
The man thinks of his reply as funny and let it slide.
The man goes again and asks, "How much wool do they produce?"
"The black or the white?" shepherd asks again.
"The black ones." He says
"About 20 kilograms."
"And the whites?"
"They also produce 20 kilograms."
This time the man gets a little annoyed but still lets it pass.
"How much milk do they produce?"
"Which ones, the black or the white?"
The man holds on to his patience and asks, "The black ones."
"About 15 litres per day."
"And the whites?" He continues
"Also 15 litres."
The man loses it this time, enraged he says
"If all of them are yours, produces same amount of milk and wool then why do you always keep asking for them separately?"
The shepherd calmly replies,
"You see those black ones, they belonged to my late father."
The man becomes a little hesitant after hearing him mention his late father and feels a little apologetic towards the shepherd
"O-oh I see."
"And the white ones?"
"They also belonged to my father."
- Ramanisky24
Relax everyone ... he’s just joking.
- But pits of venomous snakes, pools of crocodiles, wall with shards of glass and steel spikes wasn't a joke.utopian
- in reality, all those gators would prolly die due to the pesticides dumped in the rio grandeBonSeff
- Perfecto! Gracias!
https://timsboots.co…Percrushin - can use them for his next insurrections too..... win win situationneverscared
- Yes, relax. Everything is chill at the border.hotroddy
- I imagine it's better to be the hero of stupid than the hero of incompetence
hotdoddyneverscared - ^relax, he saidhotroddy
- Nairn1
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+ audio for cackle
- Gardener2
"I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.”
winner of the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2024
