Joke of the Day
- Started
- Last post
- 679 Responses
- ********-5
- you owe me money for the 2minutes you wasted of mineautoflavour
- ********-3
- really? melania doesn't know? i think the roll should be reversed. that way it would be convincingly funny.pango
- lol rolepango
- Of course Melana wouldn't know the smell - she visited her clients at their homes and cars.face_melter
- funny because melania was an escortscarabin_net
- trolli troll troll trollcapn_ron
- Krassy5
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
- MrT8
Does Sean Connery like herbs?
Yes, but only partially...
- what?scarabin_net
- lol_niko
- hahaHayzilla
- oh jesusscarabin
- lol********
- Works better in text********
- bliznutty16
Talking Dog
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a Bullshitter! .... He's never been out of the yard'.- LOLautoflavour
- :)Gnash
- I lol'dRamanisky2
- haha why am i laughingprophetone
- haha this is an ancient jokeernexbcn
- The second pic.,.. lolscarabin
- Akagiyama-3
On Sundays I like to open the holy book of Shrek and read my favorite passage...
Psalm: body once told me.
- Krassy9
- more like "We drink in NYC, then we drink in LA, then that's it" :)Krassy
- i think shellie quit********
- drink turnouts were less than expected likelyimbecile
- shellie gets shit done.pango
- didn't quit, just have 3 big projects running & moving too. As soon as I get paid Im sending out stickers. I went from no work, to lotsa work. Waitin on chequesshellie
- don't worry shellie. we're just waiting on the battle part.pango
- patience********
- yes, what Pango said and it's what was meant by this post -- just waiting for the PS battle :)Krassy
- I stand corrected********
- eatsted
- morested
- bananassted
- sofas1
Former student visits his old Economics professor and notices a stack of exams lying on the table.
"Why, these are the same questions you asked when I was a student. Don't you realize that these sheets get passed down from class to class?"
"Oh, of course. But every year we change the answers."
- Gardener6
Madonna goes into a flower shop and says,
"I'd like to buy some flowers please".
"Orchids?"
"No thanks. Just the flowers."
- shapesalad-9
I have two really great best friends... Me and Myself.
- Wolfboy0
I went to the Doctor and said 'Doctor, I have five penises and they’re giving me trouble'
The doctor said 'I can imagine they give you all kinds of trouble, for example how do your trousers fit?'
I said 'That’s no problem, they fit like a glove'
- drgs6
Will glass coffins become popular?
Remains to be seen
- coldarchon1
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
- BusterBoy7
Bloke walks in to his local pharmacy...
BLOKE: Do you sell Viagra?
PHARMACIST: Sure we do.
BLOKE: Can I get it over the counter?
PHARMACIST: Depends how many you take.
- Nairn-2
have
have you
have you heard
have you heard the
have you heard the one
have you heard the one about
have you heard the one about traceroute
- Gardener0
Q/ What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?
A/ Found in your cell, unresponsive
- BusterBoy1
So this American guy came over to Ireland...headed to Killarney. He wanted to play golf...but he was on his own. So he went to the local golf club and said to the Club Pro "would anyone here play with me? I'm a fairly handy player so I'd want to play with someone pretty good."
"Oh, Paddy's your man" the pro says. "We'll give you his phone number".
So the American contacts Paddy...and they arrange to meet the next morning. Paddy says "I'll be there at 9 o'clock but I could be a half hour late".
So next morning they meet up at 9 o'clock sharp. Paddy turns up with a set of left handed clubs. And he beats the American pretty easily.
The American didn't take too kindly to the beating, so he says to Paddy "play me again tomorrow" to which Paddy replies "sure. I'll meet you at 9 o'clock but I could be a half hour late".
Again, Paddy turns up at 9am sharp...this time with a set of right handed clubs. The American thinks to himself "I've got him now!".
But Paddy plays just as well right handed and beats the American convincingly.
Getting annoyed now the American says "Paddy, I'll have to play you once more". Paddy replies "right. I'll meet you at 9 o'clock tomorrow, but I could be a half hour late".
"Hold on a minute" the American says. "Come on...yesterday you play left handed. And this morning you play right handed. How do you decide how you're going to play?".
"Well, when I wake up in the morning" Paddy says..."I look at the wife. If she's laying on her left side, I play with my left handed clubs. If she's laying on her right hand side, I use my right handed clubs".
The American asks "So what if she's laying on her back?"
Paddy responds "I'll be a half hour late".
- The video of the Irish guy telling that joke doing the rounds a few weeks back is good.Hayzilla
