Joke of the Day
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- drgs2
The first rule of female fight club is: Tell everyone about female fight club
- ********2
Mister Yoda, set a new course.
- kingsteven3
My mother told me I'd never have a car made from spaghetti...
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
- Gardener7
I asked my barber to give me a haircut like Tom Cruise,
so he put a cushion on the seat.
- hans_glib5
A man wanders down the street at 2am, cigarette and booze in hand. The police stop him and ask why he is outdoors. “I’m going to a lecture,” he says. The police ask what sort of lecture and he says: “It’s on smoking and drinking.” They ask who could be giving that sort of talk at that time of the night. The man breezes past and says: “My wife.”
- BusterBoy4
Two Jehovas Witness doing the rounds...knock on the front door of a home. Young man opens the door.
Man: Hi...what's up?
Jehovas Witness: Hi there. We're from the Jehovas Witnesses. I was wondering if you have a few minutes...perhaps we could come in and spread the word and enlighten you about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Man: Sure...I've got some free time. Come on in.
So the 3 of them go inside...and sit in the lounge room.
Man: OK then...now what?
Jehovas Witness: Ummm...well...I'm not really sure. We've never made it this far before.
- My brother is a hyper devout Evangelical Christian and all around nice guy. He actually did this once because he wanted to save them.garbage
- This is exactly what he described. He even asked them to come back any time and they were even more dumbfounded.garbage
- I took their pamphlet once, they kept coming back like clockwork for months...zarkonite
- My brother hung out with them for several weeks until they finally gave up, lol.garbage
- Just say you’re a satanist. I never see ‘em anymorescarabin
- I used to make it inside all the time... *gigglePonyBoy
- Gardener7
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He spots a man down below and lowers the balloon to shout: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”
“You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.
“I am” replies the man. “How did you know.”
“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”
The man below says “You must be a manager.”
“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problems. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”
- imbecile11
- lol, took me a secondMaaku
- ^ Ha .. same here.Ramanisky2
- I nearly posted, 'I don't get it.'
Then I did.Continuity - It’s called a ‘set joke’Ramanisky2
- Lol great_niko
- Works best in a shit Irish accentNairn
- Oh neighbor CLINT, use a bigger brush, dude!Krassy
- https://youtu.be/8X_…scarabin
- MrT3
Why did Sean Connery adopt a cat?
Teaching a dog to sit was too messy.
- dkoblesky-3
What did Sean Connery wear in every Bond movie?
A toupee
- rzu-rzu4
A bus stops, and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," sputters the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin abouta sexa? I'ma justa tellun my frienda how to spella Mississippi."
- M-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-humpback-hu...palimpsest
- I read this in Jar Jar Binks voice. No regrets.DRIFTMONKEY
- autoflavour4
What’s the difference between a dirty bustop and a lobster with breast implants ?
Ones a dirty bus stationing and the other is a busty crustacean
- Lol.. ruined the punchline in a written joke.. fail.. bus stationautoflavour
- Fuck.. crusty bus station..
Totally screwed that poochautoflavour - multifailhans_glib
- LOL!oey_oey
- Damn this was confusing AFnb
- The fail makes it better.stoplying
- lolBluejam
- I'm so confused.wagshaft
- Lol.. so stupid..autoflavour
- http://invisiblecham…scarabin
- please retry this correctly. i love it too much and can't figure out the real jokecapn_ron
- autoflavour-1
Ignore previous
What’s the difference between a dirty bustop and a lobster with breast implants ?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
- ********15
- That's insulting on several levels... quite clever acutually.Longcopylover
- I’m so slow it took me 3 takes yo get it lol_niko
