Turns out I'm dating a Pro...
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- Akagiyama4
This needs to be a netflix series with Paul Rudd playing catpower, and Aubrey Plaza playing Bleedy McGee.
I would watch the shit out of this.
- lol @bleedyBeeswax
- LOLmort_
- Holy shit. I shared this with a friend, not a QBNer and he asked me who should play the woman. I said a young Juliette Lewis or Aubrey Plaza.CyBrainX
- I had Elizabeth Banks or Christina Ricci as Bleedy and Rose McGowan as her roommateKrassy
- Jonah Hill, Gillian Jacobs & Allison Brie.palimpsest
- @Krassy, That is one hell of a trifecta.CyBrainX
- @CyBrainX hopefully @catpower agrees and hires me as the Casting DirectorKrassy
- So many strong options, haha. @Krassy — you're hired!catpower
- Now we need to get a Ho Fund Me started to finance this series!Akagiyama
- the pressure is on, but I promise to deliverKrassy
- @Akagiyama "Ho Fund Me" LOLKrassy
- Krassy, I'm listening to your Zoxey Vol. 1 today. Nice stuff.CyBrainX
- @CyBrainX I finally finished Vol 4! 3+ years later. Hahah!Krassy
- I was wondering about that but I nagged you too much last time, so I didn't say anything this time.CyBrainX
- Hayoth1
such a great story lol
- palimpsest3
50 Shades of Red
- sted3
- shapesalad1
- The robot is leaking the hydraulic fluid it needs to move. It's programmed to dance and be happy, but also to save itself by gathering the fluid back to itself.shapesalad
- It took awhile... but it 'died' in 2019.shapesalad
- why downvoteddrgs
- epigraph3
from what I gather you were together for a few months and then she let you know in her way some important things she felt you would need or want to know in order for things to progress further. Same as any relationship. Who puts all their dirty laundry out without establishing some connection and trust first?
- nb-1
I know you’re all joking around but... it’s a little-known fact that it’s extremely unlikely for a man to get hiv/aids from unprotected vaginal sex if it was just one time.
Lots of other icky stuff you can catch so please be safe!
- https://i.imgur.com/…utopian
- so you're saying different prostitutes each time is better than sleeping multiple times with the same one, unprotected.Beeswax
- did he ever mentioned that he is a man?sted
- @beeswax that is not what I’m sayingnb
- catpower7
A quick update:
It's been a few weeks since we've hung out. I asked her if she'd like to grab dinner and talk things over on Saturday. One odd bi-product of all this drama is that we've been able to communicate well. Everything is basically out in the open, so there's no need to guard language or intentions at this point. It's weirdly freeing.
In normal relationships, you have to balance openness with not freaking her the fuck out with your tentacle porn addiction. But she hits different.
Our dinner began with her trying to kiss me but I flenched. Because dicks. Strong start.
But as dinner progressed, we got loose and ended up having a great time. She's legitimately quirky and funny when she's not being a trifflin'-ass ho. After more drinks than I could count, she finally asked me, "so what do you want to do?"
Though she meant it existentially, I responded literally. "Fuck your whore mouth." On brand, she was like, "I'll fuck you till you love me, f*ggot." (a Mike Tyson quote... pretty funny in the moment...).
We make it back to her place, but when we got there, her roommate was still up with ALL the lights on blasting the new season of Tiger King. This was the least sexy mood possible. The lighting was so aggressive. It felt like that dirty moment at last call when they turn on the lights and everyone's shame is in full view. Rough.
Though the vibe was dead, we had fun chatting. Tiger King is the easiest thing ever to make jokes with, so conversation flowed.
Eventually, we started talking about Joe Exotic and how his dick is pierced. I jokingly started fake vomiting, but the roommate was like "I'm really into that. I got my clit pierced."
*record scratch
I've seen this on the internets, but never in the wild. My girl and I started joking with her, calling her "Susan Exotic." I decided to push it and said "tell me you have daddy issues without telling me you have daddy issues, Susan Exotic."
"Daddy issues? I'll show you daddy issues." She stood up with purpose, like a pitcher coming off of the bench, pulled down the front of her baggy plaid shorts, and showed us the monkey.
This was not hot. I know it sounds hot. But again — this was not hot. It was like watching someone take a shit or something. She pulled them down, pushed on her FUPA with her palm so the piercing could pop out, and said "there she is" as she gave it a little flick.
She was just so brazen. No subtlety. No sexy reveal. Just a lot of big clit energy. She also had a "stick and poke" lightning tat on the right side of her cooch, so there's that.
My girl and I called it a night and retired to her room. We made out a bit and I came on her tits. She refused to wipe off my offering and went to bed covered. So trashy. So hot.
While she was asleep counting dicks or whatever hos dream about, I was was wide awake, drowning in thoughts: "It's 4 am. You're in Echo Park. You're hanging out with whores. Jesus, get your fucking life together. Man, who gets their clit pieced?! Also, I wonder when she got her vag tatted. Looked like a prison tat. Maybe she was in prison?! That's kind of hot, actually. Fuck." *cue awkward boner
- this is the thread that just keeps on givinghans_glib
- She ain't kinky, she ratchet.
Hook up your anecdotes to my NFTs and get in on the game, playa.palimpsest - I could google so much stuff right now.
But I googled where Echo Park is.Longcopylover - FUPA was the one I had to look up. FUPA, eh.Brabo_Brabo
- “asleep counting dicks” LOLmort_
- Ttrifflin'-ass ho.
Also, FUPA troopababydick - "While she was asleep counting dicks or whatever hos dream about..." you ruined it here for me. sad that you think/feel that way.oey_oey
- Has your chick ever done a"Soft White Underbelly" interview? https://www.youtube.…stoplying
- many ughsjagara
- Euphoria, S2, EP 8ArmandoEstrada
- @oey_oey... obviously said in jest.catpower
- @stoplying... know of SWU. Not really her vibe. She looks like a cool grad student (b/c she is). You would have no idea she's a pro if she didn't tell you.catpower
- incredible.Gucci
- Welcome to Echo Park (waves from Elysian Heights)cannonball1978
- Akagiyama0
Wow, I need to change this Netflix series cast.
Jonah Hill should play catpower, Emma Stone should play Bleedy McGee, and Awkwafina should play her roommate Maytal Ahn McKlittee.
I give it at least 3 seasons.
- Who's taking care of the poster?palimpsest
- you. go beast mode on it, palimp.cherub
- Added to my playlist.Ramanisky2
- Ramanisky23
This may be the greatest Rom Com of our generation. I’m fully invested.
- QBN always delivers...grafician
- Can’t wait for the break up followed by powercat holding a boom box outside her window and playing Peter Gabriels ‘Shock the Monkey’ to win her back.Ramanisky2
- Not only should one never say "romcom", there should be a death penalty for making one. Especially this masterpiece of modern literature.CyBrainX
- babydick-3
Waiting for another update...
- cannonball19780
Ah, the sweet tangy smell of "how is this relationship sustainable"?
Girl uses her situation as a Pro to keep guy rock hard now. Doesn't realize (or doesn't care) that she's killing his potential boner for a future together.
Also doesn't realize the guy's strong ability to call bluffs and walk away from any situation, goat cabin style.
- cannonball19782
PS do not give this person money.
- Like, if you want to pull back the sheets and see what this girl is really about, refuse her money on principle.cannonball1978
- that's actually good advice. I like your style.cherub
- jagara1
Isn't the talk in front of the class an indication that's she's trying to move her life in a new direction? Albeit a small one?
Not that this would make me want a relationship with her... :)
- Not necessarily, no.cannonball1978
- Well, being that open about something as widely frowned upon as being a prostitute kind of seems like an attempt at leaving that lifestyle.jagara
- Sorry, it's "sex worker" now. Still not something you brag abot.jagara
- *aboutjagara
- It seems an attempt to normalize it, control the narrative around it while simultaneously ambushing him with the info. Seems nothing like trying to leave it.cannonball1978
- Yeah, maybe.jagara
- shapesalad2
When will the thread title change to:
"Turns out I married a Pro..."
?
- Krassy3
two weeks without an update.
catpower, let us know you're OK
- necromation4
Just read all this... Absolutely amazing! I dated two woman like this in the past, one work in a mental hospital in Hackney (Should have legged it at that) but man... the sex was insane, she one time turned up at my flat with some girl and told me i'm gonna watch them fuck and have to come on the both of them ... Then time i had to stop stop her stabbing some guy in the street because touched her bum, which was impossible as in just walked into bar, oh the knife was in her sock.
And the other was so so much worse but absolutely more stunning, What that girl did could be in movies for years. Drugs, drink, sex, fist fights... the whole fucking nine yards. I cant lie didn't try stop either, it is intoxicating... The fear and excitement of every meet up. In the end they just fizzle out and your left feeling, like you woke up outta the weirdest dream/nightmare. I'm glad both of these happened before social media... Safe to stay, they are both probably in jail or tory MPs by now.
