Joke of the Day
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- elahon0
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.
- MrT0
Angela Merkel arrives at Athens passport control...
"Nationality" asks the officer,
"German" she replies.
"Occupation"
"No, just a holiday"
- georgesIII0
^
9999999
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http://www.qbn.com/topics/638024…
- BusterBoy0
How does the butcher introduce his wife?
Meet Pattie...
- elahon0
The average speed of ejaculation is 28mph, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
- ********0
A Dutch man was taking a flight on a commercial airliner. The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour into the flight, a loud BOOM occurred.
The flight attendant came over the intercom and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. We still have three engines, I repeat, we still have three engines."
Everyone stayed calm.
About another hour later, another boom.
The flight attendant comes over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown another engine, but there is no need to worry! We still have two more engines to go!"
The people stayed calm.
An hour later, the same situation. Now only one engine remained.
Then, the Dutch man stood up and said outloud, "Man! Does that mean we get a partial refund for using less engines?"
- Eighty0
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Swedish/Dutch yadda yadda
- pablo280
Edinburgh festival: The 100 best jokes from this year
http://www.independent.co.uk/art…
- bliznutty0
What do you call a German virgin?
Güdentite!
- ):bigtrick
- translate "Güdentite" in english please. Because the word is neither german nor english. Perhaps i will understand and laugh.sandpipe
- "Güdentite" doesn't need to be translated in english. Just say it loud.sephil
- ha he didnt get it lolCygnusZero4
- dijitaq0
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. You should've seen her face when I came home drunk.
- BusterBoy0
Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist..
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.
The next day he came home from work very early.
His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.
Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.
Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband.
She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.
She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"
Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too.”
- mikotondria30
Call those 'How's My Driving ?' numbers on the back of trucks and tell them it's just parked up, hasn't moved for ages.
- bigtrick0
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from Satan: if they can stump him, they'll be set free, and be able to go to Heaven. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question, to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a laptop, goes online, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well, but the Devil instantly gets the answer by using his laptop. When it comes down to the blonde, she pulls up a chair, drills three holes in it, sits down and farts. "Now," she says, "Which hole did the fart come out of?"
"That's easy," says Satan, "All three!"
"No!" The blonde replies, "It came out of my butthole!"
- bigtrick0
Soviet Russia, 1983. A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends over an ashtray and says with utter nonchalance: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the conspirator finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge where his neighbors had gone. "You don't need to know!" she answers. "B-but... but what about me?" asks the guy in terror. "Oh, you... well... Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot."
- hubb7designs0
Q: What's the best part of having sex with 29 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them!
- should be 'twenty nine' not 29.BusterBoy
- I think your supposed to say "twenty nine".CygnusZero4
