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I apologise in advance for this thread.
Q: What's the smallest Pub in England?
A: The Thalidomide Arms
Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" Sharon said waving her arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah. What's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?"
I got a new Alexander McQueen shirt last week.
It's a bit tight round the neck but it hangs well.
So this is basically the "it's OK to share the worst, most offensive jokes you know thread and nobody will think less of you for a single one" kind of thread?
I went to a convention of women who lost their legs. The place was crawling with pussy.
(Requires knowledge of "labiectomy" - when a woman has surgery to her labia for cosmetic purposes.)
A woman goes to her doctor and says "I really want to have my labia size reduced, they're just too big and I think men are grossed out by it. I'm sick of being single and need it to look a little more normal. But I need this to stay confidential! No one can know I had this surgery."
Doctor says "Sure, everything confidential here, it's just between you and I."
The woman goes to the hospital for her surgery, and afterwards wakes up in the recovery room to see three vases of flowers on the table next to her bed. She freaks out, wondering how anyone knew about this if it was so confidential.
The doctor walks in and she is livid. She immediatly yells "What's with these flowers? I thought this was just between you and I!"
The doctor says, "Now, now, I can explain. The first bouquet of flowers is from me, I do this for all my patients."
"And the second vase?!" she says?
"That's from the hospital, they do this for everyone in recovery. They have no idea what you're here for, it's no problem."
"Well than what about the third one!" she screams.
The doctor hesitates, then says "Oh. Thoser are from a boy in the burn unit. He loves his new ears."
By labelling this thread as the place for jokes in bad taste you've effectively made any clean, tasteful joke the only appropriate thing to post. Thus...
Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was assaulted.
- by a rapistscarabin
- eighteen, I don't follow your logicmonospaced
- poor taste is defined by what's appropriate. when vulgarity is expected, decency becomes inappropriateeighteen
- head explodesepigraph
- Eighteen, I'm afraid you sound like http://en.wikipedia.…Eighty
- wow. and lol @ scara.CanHasQBN
How does every good ethnic joke start?
By looking over your shoulder!
Hill billy went into a lawyer and said he wanted to get one of the day-vorces.
Lawyer - Do you have any grounds?
H B - yYes, 40 acres
Lawyer - Do you have a suit?
H B - Yep ah gotta suit, ah wear it in church on Sundays.
Lawyer - No, no, do you have a case?
H B -No I aint but ah gotta John Deere.
Lawyer - I mean do you have a grudge?
H B - Yes ah gotta grudge, thats where i park John Deere.
Lawyer - Does your wife beat you up or something?
H B - No we both get up at 4-30
Lawyer - Is your wife a nagger?
H B - No, she's a white girl but our last child was a nagger and that's why I want a day-vorce
Little Billy goes to his friends birthday party.
After the presents are opened the mother of billy's friend brings out the entertainment...a Magician.
The magician does all his tricks and Billy is awestruck...now Billy wants to learn magic.
after the magic tricks he asks the magician if he could teach him some tricks.
The magician agrees and tells Billy to meet him after school for his first lesson.
So the next day after school Billy rushes to the magician's house to learn the tricks of the trade.
the magic man takes billy into his home and brings him in the back room where all his Magic stuff is stored.
The magician tells billy to get ready for his first trick. he asks billy to drop his trousers and turn around.
Billy is a little freaked out by this but after some prodding finally agrees.
Now the magician gets up behind him and Billy feels a poking in his ass.
The magician asks "Now Billy, does that feel like a thumb in your butt?
Billy agrees with a grimace..."yes"
The magician reaches around with both hands and gives billy the two thumbs up in his face.
Q: A thief comes upon a crashed car on a desolate country road, and finds two dead nuns inside. What does he steal from them?
Why does Helen Keller only finger herself with one hand?
I just saw two blind men squaring up to each other on the way home fromwork, so i shouted.. my money,s on the one with the knife. you shouldof seen how fast they both ran off......
So this lady goes up to the grocery check out with a 6-pack of Diet coke, a Lean Cuisine and a potted fern. As the clerk is ringing up the items, he looks at her and says "You must be single." The lady is now blushing and as she coyly brushes hair behind her ears, she replies "Why yes, I am single. How did you know?"
The clerk hands her the bag of groceries and says "Because you're fucking ugly."
daughter: mom... do babies come out where a boy put his penis?
mom: um, well... yes, dear. why do you ask?
daughter: won't that break my jaw?
What's the definition of making love?
Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive a car?