Joke of the Day
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- airey0
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
- airey0
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
- bigtrickagain0
A woman is in the hospital on april 1st giving birth. It's a difficult one - the doctor is between the woman's legs yelling "PUSH! PUSH!" and the woman is screaming "AAAUUUUUGH!" The doctor yells "I CAN SEE THE HEAD! PUSH HARDER" and the woman screams "AAAAAHHHH" and puuushes and the baby pops out into the doctor's hands.
He looks at it for a minute, then suddenly he throws it down on the ground, stomps on its head, picks it up, and throws it against the wall! The woman yells "OMIGOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BABY?!?"
The doc starts laughing and says "Haha april fools! It was already dead!"
- hahaha.airey
- You will have your own room in hell for that one... Coldnecromation
- LOLOLOL. I laughed. Good shit.********
- janne760
Why could the blind african man with half a leg not reach the table?
Because he's dead.
- airey0
what's big, white and if it fell out of a tree could kill you?
a refrigerator.
- janne760
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
- janne760
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
- airey0
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
- airey0
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
- bigtrickagain0
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of cannonballs?
You can't unload the cannonballs with a pitchfork.
- airey0
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
- janne760
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.
The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
- MrT0
How do find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
- bliznutty0
What do you call a psychic midget that has just escaped from prison?
a small medium at large
- MrT0
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi
and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks,
"Is this some kind of joke?"
- MrT0
What's the fastest thing on land?
Stevie Wonder's speed boat.
- janne760
what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12
- BuddhaHat0
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when during her tour; she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
'Oh my GOD!!' screamed the woman, 'That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing that??'
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least 5 times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture.'
'Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok.' commented the woman.
In the very next room, a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious that a nurse was performing oral sex on him.
Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?'
Again the doctor spoke very calmly, 'Same illness, but private health cover.'
- BuddhaHat0
A woman says to her husband , "what would you do if I won lotto?"
He says, "I'd take half then leave you."
"Excellent," she replies, "I won 12 bucks, here's 6 now F*CK off!"
- BuddhaHat0
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?""Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses".
- 200 on my own thread! WOO!!BuddhaHat
- Hahahahaha hahahaaaa!!!!janne76
- ahahaha looolbigtrickagain