Joke of the Day
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- fooler20
What's a West Virginia Halloween tradition?
Pump Kin
- bigtrick0
A pirate with a steering wheel attached to his crotch walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, there's a steering wheel attached to your crotch!" Pirate says, "Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"
- fooler20
Q: Why couldn't the mummy get the zombie pregnant?
A: he had a hallow weenie
- blaw0
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
- elahon0
I need some jokes today. I'll start.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''
- magrenell0
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says; "hey Buddy, why the long face?"
- magrenell0
Have you heard about new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines.
- BusterBoy0
Q: Who's the most popular bloke at a nudist colony?
A: The one who can carry 2 hot coffees and 9 donuts...
- airey0
zenmasterfoo's note to the 'it's a tarp' thread entry here has be still laughing.
- airey0
a baby seal walks into a club.
- BusterBoy0
a dyslexic bloke walks into a bra
- mydo0
A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “What’ll you have?”
The polar bear says, “I think I’ll have a gin and ...................................................................... ............................................................................ tonic.”
The bartender says, “Ok, but why the big pause?”
The polar bear says, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”
- i really like this one.airey
- and i hate myself for that.airey
- aaaaahahahahaha that was greatbigtrickagain
- mydo0
Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don’t serve your type in here.
- airey0
a catholic priest walks into the bar, sits down and orders a scotch.
a jewish rabbi (as opposed to the other sort) walks into the bar, sits next to the priest and orders a vodka soda.
a muslim cleric walks into the bar, sits down at the bar and asks for a light. the priest and the rabbi fish out lighters (the rabbi has a 'born to raise hell' zippo which has nothing to do with the joke but was interesting all the same), the priest has a 7-11 green plastic lighter.
they look at each other and laugh, then the rabbi who is the closest to the cleric lights the lighter. the cleric leans in with a cigarette and lights it. says thanks an goes to the pay phone in the corner.
the priest and the rabbi make small talk over the local favourite sports heroes and order a second round.
the cleric saunters out after finishing his call, saying thanks as he goes.
the priest and the rabbi finish their second drinks, make their farewells and leave.
the bartender grabs the glasses and cleans them.
- .airey
- you racial profilers out there expected something to happen didn't you.airey
- people looking for a punchline in the jokes thread sure didscarabin
- i'm a fan of wasting people's time with literally no payoff for their trouble. love it.airey
- a clubbed seal, a horses face, a bra...anything but a story about nothing labeled as a joke. :)Peter
- I LOVE THIS JOKE. I LOVE IT SO MUCHbigtrickagain
- you know, sarcasm isn't welcome around these parts.airey
- actually, it is. god bless.airey
- i wasn't sarcastic. i laughed so hard.
i'm serious.bigtrickagain - oh dear.airey
- airey0
what's small, red, loud and gets progressively smaller over time?
- a baby combing it's head with a potato peeler.
- airey0
why do you put a baby into the food processor feet first?
so you can see the expression on it's face.
- airey0
why can't the baby turn around in a corridor?
- it's got a javelin through it's head.
- airey0
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!