Joke of the Day
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- janne760
I called the Rape Advice Line today... Unfortunately it was only for victims.
- janne760
Pedophiles are fucking immature arseholes
- janne760
Man walks with sheep under his arm into the bedroom, where his wife is reading a book. He says, "This is the pig I usually fuck with". The wife says: "I think you will find that is a sheep". The husband replies: "I think you will find i was talking to the sheep!"
- ntimm0
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
- airey0
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- airey0
What if you went to heaven and God meets you and says, "Hey, welcome to fuckin' heaven." I'm like, "What did you say?" "Welcome to fuckin' heaven." "I didn't know you could swear." "Fuck, yeah, it's fucking heaven" "Well, I was raised as a child never to swear." "Where does it say in the Bible that you can't fuckin' swear?" "No fuckin' where!" "All right, now you are getting the hang of it. Oh, yeah, I saw some slutty bitches outside the pearly gates? You wanna tap that? They ain't gettin' in!" "What?" "No, just kidding. You aren't in heaven, you're in hell. You've been punk'd." Arghhh! Damn you, Ashton! That was elaborate. Way to go the extra mile. Even in the afterlife, you're a douchebag. Hope it was worth it charity-bangin' that geriatric for all eternity, that'll really throw the scent off the gay trail.
daniel tosh
- airey0
"I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move. You're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you're a table."
mitch hedberg
- refunktion0
what do elephants use for tampons?
- janne760
I used to be into necrophilia, S/M, and bestiality, but after awhile I was just beating a dead horse.
- janne760
So this guy goes to Australia for a tourist trip and on the border they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been arrested. So he says: " I did not know that was still required"
- what border?!?!? australia doesn't have any borders ):bigtrickagain
- janne760
A poor man meets a rich man around Christmas. So the poor man asks the rich man, "what are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says "well, if she doesn't like the earrings she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him "so, what are you getting your wife this year?" The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man asks "why those two things?" The poor man astutely reponds "this way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
- janne760
A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
- janne760
Rape isn't a laughing matter, unless it is with a clown.
- janne760
A ship wrecks onto a deserted island. Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having sex. After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing....so they bury her.
- janne760
A smoking hot girl walks into a bar. A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you're gonna get laid tonight!" She replies, "Hehe, how do you know?" And he replies, "Because I'm stronger than you."
- janne760
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit."
- janne760
I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.
Let's see America's most wanted fucking stage a reconstruction of that.
- janne760
Why do black people only have nightmares? The last one who had a dream got shot.
- janne760
Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
She was wearing mittens.