Joke of the Day
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- janne760
Q: How did Helen Keller burn her ear? A: She answered the iron
Q: How did she burn her other ear? A: They called back
- janne760
What did Helen Keller say when she put down the cheese grater? That's the worst book I ever read!
- janne760
A mother was getting out of the shower when her young son walked in. He pointed at the area between her legs and said, "Mommy, what's that?" Embarrassed, she replied, "That's where the Indian hit me with his tomahawk." The young boy replied, "Wow, right in the cunt?!?"
- janne760
I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki.
It's just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, a Scotsman a Scot or a Frenchman a Cunt.
- janne760
I threw a bukaki party, but it was a disaster. No one came.
- janne760
I'm about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties.
My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;
And I've bought her a treadmill.
- janne760
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
- janne760
hahahahaha:
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me - it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
- janne760
So at the end of Bush's final press conference, a reporter asks the common question: "What's the last thing you'd like to say before you leave office?"
Bush replies: "The Aristocrats!"- ...bigtrickagain
- That's actually pretty good.DoTheMacarena
- janne760
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Oi, what's your disability?"
I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"
- janne760
A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car. The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, "You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money." The lawyer says, "How DARE you call me materialistic." The cop replies, "Well, you've been so concerned about your car that you didn't notice that your arm is missing." The lawyer screams, "FUCK! My Rolex!"
- janne760
I was masturbating to a National Geographic magazine the other day, and I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or my dentist.
- janne760
I recently took up speed dating,
Or, as some people call it, rape.
- janne760
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
- janne760
Pickup line: Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform? they fall for it every time...
- janne760
Stable relationships are for horses.
- janne760
Saw this Facebook group earlier "Treat your girlfriend how you treat your XBox"
They can fuck right off!
I love my new Xbox and there's no way I would let my mates have a go on it just yet.
- janne760
How do astronauts get drunk?
They hit the spacebar.
- janne760
I've heard a lot of people referring to HIV as, "The eighties disease".
I can see their point; it is a retroviru
- janne760
A guy always insisted on making love to his wife in the dark.
After 20 years she turns on the light, to find him holding a dildo.
She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
He looks her straight in the eyes and calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."