Joke of the Day
- Started
- Last post
- 679 Responses
- chossy0
MAKE THIS THREAD LIVE AGAIN!!!!!!
- monoboy0
Man buys a talking centipede from a pet shop, takes him home. When they get settled, the centipede says, thanks for buying me. How about I go down the shops and buy a nice bottle of wine to celebrate. OK the man says, I'll make some dinner.
A few hours pass, no sign of the centipede. Worried, the man has a look for him. Only to stumble across the centipede in the hall.
"I though you were going to the shops," said the man.
"Give me a chance to put my shoes on first." said the centipede.
- ********0
Why are they called asteroids if they're in the hemisphere, but hemroids if they're in your ***?
- mistermik0
Q. What's Mary short for?
A. She's got no legs.
- mistermik0
A married couple goes to a marriage counsellor to work out some problems.
The counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common." The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."
- Hahahahahahahahahaha...R-aI
- ha ha hachossy
- hahahahabigtrick
- hahahhaCoffeemaker
- HAHA £O£********
- Excellent :DLillebo
- meffid0
a man and a boy are walking into the woods at dusk, the boy stops and turns to the man and says "I'm a little bit scared, can we stop?"
the man replies "you think you're scared?! I have to walk out of here alone..."- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...marychain
- FUCKING MEGALOLZ!!!!!Coffeemaker
- HAHAHAHALUZZZZZLEWL********
- meffid0
10 year old boy walks on his parent fucking
parents stop and look, laugh a lot and then carry on
boy leaves room in disgust
2 days later, father walks down stairs to find boy on top of grandmother, naked and fucking her ultra hard and fast
boy turns to father and says "not so funny when it's YOUR mum, IS it?!- GROchossy
- JESUSbigtrick
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
hahaha.. heh.. *snifCoffeemaker - Best I've heard in a long time :DLillebo
- meffid0
10 year old boy walks on his parent fucking
parents stop and look, laugh a lot and then carry on
boy leaves room in disgust
2 days later, father walks down stairs to find boy on top of grandmother, naked and fucking her ultra hard and fast
boy turns to father and says "not so funny when it's YOUR mum, IS it?!
- mattthejanitor0
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick
- mistermik0
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse, he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash
your face and hands.The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little
distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong."Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She
whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back??
- hahaha7point34
- AHAHAHAH.Corvo2
- HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA...Coffeemaker
- BEST JOKE EVER!!!Coffeemaker
- monoboy0
No nurse, I said remove his spectacles and prick his boil!
- BaskerviIle0
What's Mr T's favourite yoghurt?
Petits Filous
- nbq0
"Jack was talking over a beer with his friend Dave.
Dave was asking him what he had been up to.
a funny thing happened on my way home from work last week - said Jack. I was crossing the railway line when i noticed a woman tied to the tracks.
What did you do? - enquired Dave.
well, said Jack, i did what any other man would do - I got out of my car and untied her and took her home to my place.
What happened then? enquired Dave.
Well, said Jack, I had the best sex I have ever had with a woman.
Did she give you a good blow job? enquired Dave.
No, said Jack, I could not find her head''
- mistermik0
hree tortoises Mick, Alan and Geoff go for a picnic 3 miles away. It takes them all day to get there. When they get there, however, they realise they've forgotten the bottle opener. Mick and Alan ask Geoff to back and fetch it. Goeff says, "F*ck off! By the time I get back you will have eaten all the sandwiches!"
For an hour, Mick and Alan swear not to eat the sandwiches til Geoff finally agrees and so he sets off at a steady pace. A whole day passes and Geoff hasn't returned. Another day passes and still no sign of Geoff. Mick and Alan are f*cking starving but a promise is a promise. Another day passes and finally Jim says, "F*ck it. We're gunna starve if we don't eat."
So they start to eat the sandwiches, when Geoff jumps from behind a rock and shouts, "I f*ckin knew it you b*stards! Right I'm not goin now."
- lowimpakt0
what's red and invisible?
no tomatoes.
- elahon0
bump!
- ********0
Little Johnny was in his grade 2 class when the teacher asked Johnny, "If there were 5 birds sitting on a fence and i shot one off, how many would be left?" To which Johnny answered, "none, once the gun shot goes off, they would all fly away"
Actually Johnny the correct answer if 4, but i like the way u think!"
Johnny then stands up and says, "K, Mrs., i got one for you...there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is licking the cone, the second one if sucking the cone and the third one is biting the cone. Which one is married?"
The teacher, all embarrassed, says, " Well johnny i guess the one sucking the cone."To which Johnny replies, " No, the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way u think!!"
- Hahaha!elahon
- lolGeorgesII
- JESUS!! HALF MY SNACK DROPPED ON THE FLOOR!! ULTRALOL!!!!Coffeemaker
- Carl_Weathers0
How do you knock a seven year old girl off a bike?
Throw a fridge at her.
- BuddhaHat0
Two women sit next to each other on a bench in silence.
*ba-doom-ching!*
and I get post 100 on my own thread! FTW!!