Joke of the Day
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- colatote0
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey guy, we got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You got a drink named Murray?"
- monoboy0
Woman walks past a pet shop, see's a parrot in the window for half price. Goes in and asks why so cheap. Shop keeper says, well, it grew up in a brothel so it's language is terrible.
Aw, says the woman. I'll take it, I'm sure I can teach it some manners and takes it home.
Later on in the evening her husband gets back from work.
'Hi Dave, haven't seen you in a while' says the parrot.
- Mallmus0
Can we say really offensive or racist jokes here?
- racist = offensiveHAYZ1LLLA
- yeah, specifically racist then... last time i told one i got into troubleMallmus
- Isn't that a lesson learnt then Mallmus?uncle_helv
- Say whatever you like Mallmus! Freedom of speech and all that :-)
Sandman_1982 - I have a guilty conscience, I will save it until there's a Really Offense Joke of the Day ThreadMallmus
- uncle_helv0
A guy goes into the doctor complaining of a really sore head. The doc takes a look at him and says "Yes, you need to stop masterbating immediately!" the guy says "Why?" and the doc replies "So I can examine you!"
- AhahahahahahItalianStallion
- genius!!!yerolda
- HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAjanne76
- HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAjanne76
- lolCorvo2
- Raniator0
80% of people are unhappy with their plastic surgery...
...but they look pleasantly surprised.
- ********0
A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.
Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.
They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.
The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.
Sadly, the End.
Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.
TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US The last quarter's results:
TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.
Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses... and now they want a bail out!
- short version: canoe sinking, bail out, hahahaha********
- LOL nils.iCanHazQBN
- except ford didn't get a bail out, you should of listed Chrysler :)rusty_ace
- short version: canoe sinking, bail out, hahahaha
- GeorgesII0
whats the difference between a/an (insert race/country) and a bag of shit?
the bag
- mistermik0
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, “Nearest the bull goes first” He went “Baah” and I went “Moo”
He said “You’re closest”
- forcetwelve0
This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called 'out of the blue' to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".
"Wow!" I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balding than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."
She just laughed and said she was sure I could "rise to the challenge".
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and my breath stinks!"She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby gray haired older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she laughed, "I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to fuck off.
- Khurram0
A gypsy girl goes to the sexual health clinic and says "Dr, I'm 13 years old and still a virgin. I think my brothers might be gay."
^ that's the joke.
- Khurram0
what activity do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
gang rape.
- Beac8oy0
a dyslexic walks in to a bra...
- skii0
- why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff?
- tequilla
- Khurram0
What has 10 legs and 5 heads?
gang rape.
- WhiteFace0
Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing?
A: She had no arms.
- Jimbo820
Jesus loves you. But does he swallow?
- mistermik0
I bought a sat-nav the other day. What a useless piece of junk. I had it on as I drove around Cotswold Wildlife Park. At one point it said "Now, bear left."
I looked left - It was a monkey having a wank. Looked nothing like a bear.
- ********0
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
