Joke of the Day
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- mistermik0
A wedding occurred in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the living daylights out of each other.
The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court.The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer,shouting, "Silence in Court!"
The court room goes silent and Paddy,the Best Man, stands up and says,
"I was the Best Man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand.
Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, "Okay."
"Well," said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs."
Shocked, the Judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!"
"Hurt?!" Paddy replies. "He broke three of my fingers!"
- Hahaha. READ THIS********
- No, wasn't worth it. But now you're curious and will probably read it anyways...Lillebo
- Hahaha. READ THIS
- mistermik0
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
- indian_pole0
why did the baker have brown hands?
he kneaded a poo.
- indian_pole0
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 7 year old says "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, OK?"
"Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast."Oh, shit Mum, I s'pose I'll have some Coco Pops"
WHACK!! - He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice,:-
"And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
I don't know, Mum" he blubbers,"but it won't be fucking Coco Pops."
- Class!Sandman_1982
- Lol, this really cracked me up. I love the snarky humor********
- OhYeah0
A man walks into a petrol station and says
"Can I please have a kitkat, chunky".
The lady behind the till gets him a kitkat chunky and brings it back to him.
"No" says the man. "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat bitch"
- OhYeah0
Shhhhhh!!.......
Don't tell anyone...... I'm gonna go down on you....
...And you're gonna love it...........
........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........
....Then I'm gonna come back up again and fuck you big time.....Lots of love,
Petrol prices xx
- Mal0
ok my old fav....
little girl walking her dog in the park when an old lady walks over to her
"that's the cutest little dog you have there what is his name?"
"oh his name is Porky" said the little girl
"that's cute I take it he likes sausages?" asked the old lady
"nah but he sure loves to fuck pigs"
- Mal0
what's brown and sticky?
A stick
- Carl_Weathers0
Whats big, green and fluffy?
Big green Fluff.Whats big, green and catches fluff?
Big green fluff catcher.
- de4k0
*bump
- hans_glib0
what's long and thin,
covered in skin,
red in parts,
and goes into tarts?
- OhYeah0
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: Anal sex
- The_archer0
Hamish is sitting in the livingroom having a wank into a wellington boot,
his wife walks in, disgusted she shouts-
"HAMISH!, stop fuckin aboot."- hahaOhYeah
- very funnyharmsie
- looolbigtrick
- hahahahaah!iCanHazQBN
- The_archer0
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
- The_archer0
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before
- The_archer0
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- The_archer0
Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.
- The_archer0
A few one-liners....
How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"?
Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
Good morning Girls.Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.